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How to Eat in Collegetown for Under $3

Now, now calm down there. Have a sit down, a sip of water, maybe a sip of something stronger. Shock can be dangerous for the system. You read that right. You can eat for less than $3 in Collegetown and we’re here to tell you how, in a world where even the drinks at CTB’s costs your right middle finger, you can scrounge together a meal for such a paltry sum.

5.) Hit up that 7-Eleven:
There’s a reason Green Day’s Billy Joe Armstrong name drops 7-Eleven in “Jesus of Suburbia.” Heed the words of a wise man and flock to this haven for wings and taquitos and a general menagerie of greasy, disgusting looking but surprisingly tasty food you can pick up for under $3. You’re welcome.

4.) Liquid diet:
It’s a well-known fact that alcohol is rich in calories–beer more so than others. Hit up the Collegetown liquor store with five friends and split a $15 rack of refreshing, delightful Chateau Keystone 2018. That leaves you with 5 whole beers for your meal. Tasty.

3.) Fat Jacks:
This is where reading carefully becomes important. We aren’t telling you to really buy anything here. Get a milkshake and lounge around Fat Jack’s for a while. Wait till people are distracted, or they get up to get a drink or something and steal fries from their plates. Maybe go for that pickle they serve with the burgers too. Sit there long enough and milkshake and fries should be more than enough to satisfy your meal cravings.

2.) The annex party diet:
It’s all in the name with this one–and the good thing? Forget under $3, this one’s free. You’ll just have to have dinner a little later than usual but if you’re broke, surely that’s a sacrifice you’re willing to make. Hit up an annex party in Collegetown and raid the bar there for a smorgasbord of chips–Lays, Fritos, Doritos and end with dessert–packets of Chips Ahoy! and Oreos. Alternatively just drink till you forget you’re hungry.

1.) Cannibalism:
Cannibalism gets a bad rap, it really does, but what no one tells you is that it’s dirt cheap. For cooking instructions and tips, see Silence of the Lambs. For more ideas listen to Ke$ha’s song “Cannibal.” Enough said.

With tuition rates rising and bills to pay getting a good solid meal can be difficult. Luckily, Collegetown has Cornellians set up to consume calories… even if it isn’t necessarily nutritious.

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