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How to Not Fail That Prelim Directly After Spring Break

It should be illegal to schedule prelims for the week after Cornell spring break, but it’s not. Therefore, numerous prelims have been scheduled for the week directly after “break” and the only thing administration has done is laugh maniacally. Here’s how to not fail that stupid test that is going to haunt you the entire time.

6.) Bargaining:
If you decide that you are not going to accept this slow and painful death then do some good old fashion bargaining. Promise the higher-ups that you’ll be good. You can change in order to get at least a B on your prelim. Then once you get a B, go back to being exactly who you were before.

5.) Beg Martha Pollack to ban “week-after break prelims”:
If you do not feel that sitting back and accepting your doom is a reasonable response then spring into action. Beg Martha Pollack for common sense prelim laws. It’s unjust and unfair that students have to spend their break from studying, studying. Change it.

4.) Study the week before spring break:
Only for those motivated by the sheer will to have a damn break. That way you can completely forget about school altogether during the first week of April. Then accept that you have already forgotten the material you half-assed memorized by the time you come back to take your prelim.

3.) Drop the class:
But didn’t the drop period pass? Hell yeah. But it’s spring break, classes come and go but spring break memories last forever. Yeah, you’ll get a “W” but just explain that it was spring break and you had to leave your academics behind.

2.) Black magic:
Olin Library probably has material to guide you. Find it.

1.) Panic, cram, and get a C:
We know you aren’t going to study over spring break. You know you aren’t going to study over spring break. You’re going to sleep on the couch all break only to come back, panic, cram the material into your head, and leave the class with a C. It’s natural. The circle of life.

Although it may seem hopeless to study for a prelim over spring break, do not give up hope. There is plenty of time to work for that 4.0 in between sleeping on the beach and jumping on cars. But in reality, you may want to tell your advisor that this semester isn’t going to be your best one.

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