On March 9, 2017 the surprise artists performing at Slope Day 2017 year were announced after months of anticipation, but to much disappointment. The headliners will include Misterwives, and Big Gigantic, joined by S’natra, and Basstracks.
“Yesterday we were served our usual dish of huge fucking disappointment,” cried senior Amanda Green, “I’ve been here for four years and each year Cornell forgets to get an artist that I approve of, fantastic.”
This choice in musical artists spurred an outcry on Facebook with a shockingly high level of “angry reacts.”
“Listen, quite frankly, I’m angry. You may have noticed by the way I reacted to the announcement on Facebook,” said sophomore Andy Frank as he fumed over his venti Frappucino, “I know that we should feel grateful to get an opportunity to see any artist for free, but I’m angry because I only like two songs by Big Gigantic.”
While many students reacted angrily, others responded by throwing their support towards the performers coming to Cornell on May 11th.
“I don’t understand why there’s so much anger,” protested Lilian Wilson thirty seconds before getting a banana from RPCC thrown at her, “I really like Misterwives and I’m excited for them to perform. These singers have feelings too.”
The Slope Day Programming Board had a severe lack of “caring” for what the students said about the artists chosen.
“We have spent a lot of time choosing talented artists to perform on our beautiful slope and these little shits seem to think that we can resurrect Michael Jackson and Harambe,” said a Slope Day coordinator. “I couldn’t care less what they think. Ten percent of the students will end up enjoying the concert and the other ninety percent will be too hammered to give a fuck.”
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