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Is It Too Soon to Skip Class at Cornell After Just One Week Back?

This is a question that plagues each and every one of us every time we oversleep, throw some clothes on and bolt to class. Well, because the folks here at The Black Sheep provide such a wonderful and essential service, we decided to answer it for you. This week, two writers argue about whether it’s really worth going to class at Cornell after the first week.

Lazy Fuck: This is a no-brainer. Literally. Like, even something stupid like a jellyfish would be able to figure out the answer to this one. It’s never worth going to class–not when you can sit in your room and binge Netflix instead, or sleep in and nurse that Wednesday fishbowl hangover.

Albert Nerdstein: But you’re not learning anything. How do you expect to finish your homework, or be prepared for prelims? Do you want to fail your classes?

Lazy Fuck: Shut up nerd. Ever heard of Khan Academy? Or just cram for the exam like a drunkard who goes into a bar and orders every drink. Trust me, you simply cannot go wrong. Going to class becomes redundant.

Albert Nerdstein: You’re still going to fail because you’re an idiot if you think Khan Academy is enough to get you through Cornell’s strenuous curriculum. There’s more stress in a single Cornell student than there is in a MechE’s homework. Why do you think the Dairy Bar filed for bankruptcy in this perpetually icy spot of hell? Because so many people go home and cry into tubs of ice cream while they stare gloomily at the pile of homework they’ll never finish in time.

Lazy Fuck: That’s exactly why they need to relax occasionally. Just chill for a bit, watch Ozark and consider money laundering as a career, play some games, ply themselves with alcohol. You categorically cannot do that if you’re going to every class and sitting there stressing about how you have no idea what the professor means when they say ‘eigenvalue’ or ‘eigenvector’ or ‘reaction mechanism.’

Albert Nerdstein: Okay but what about all the tuition you’re paying? Surely that’s going to waste if you don’t go to class? Isn’t it a waste of all that financial aid you’re struggling for? How did you even get into this school if you’re so clearly not going to work hard.

Lazy Fuck: Oh Nerdstein, you poor, naïve, stupid, little bastard. Some people, like yours truly here, are just born intelligent. Others like you need to work. No one uses financial aid for tuition. They use it to survive. Go to class, don’t go to class, you’re still knee deep in debt and neck deep in shit. Might as well enjoy yourself a little–party with the hotelie and AEM kids who never seem to ever be doing anything.

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