Want complete and total privacy while you pretend to watch Khan Academy videos on your laptop? Want somewhere no one can see or hear you cry? What about a place where you can prepare to fail your finals in peace? Your troubles are at an end, for we, the helpful folk at The Black Sheep, have compiled a list of the best places to procrastinate… we mean study for Cornell finals.
6.) The laundry room at 2 a.m:
There’s nothing like the rhythmic humming and soothing vibrations of those washing machines still in working order to calm your frayed nerves. If you’re lucky, the card reader will catch fire and you can bask in some additional warmth and burn all the class notes you hate so much.
5.) Another university. Any other university:
Just transfer already. Seriously. Don’t let your dreams be dreams. Don’t let them be crushed by Cornell. Transfer. Who needs an Ivy League degree when it costs so much money and pieces of your soul to get it? Will it really help you get a job? Keep asking yourself these questions as you struggle to understand math.
Just throw in the towel and go back to the place you truly belong. Get away from Cornell’s toxic atmosphere of people trying and crying. It’ll also help you get used to living with your parents, which, let’s face it, you’re going to be doing for the rest of your life because you can’t pass any of your finals.
3.) Collegetown bars:
Alcohol aids memory – this is a well-known fact. So, read up on your notes and go out to a bar and cement the knowledge in the annals of your mind. Alcohol is also a good way to deal with depression – that’s why it’s called a depressant.
2.) The Libe Café:
It’s always busy, always bustling, always full of people pretending to be doing productive work. The perfect place to blend in and bullshit your way through the last few weeks of the semester.
1.) A Library — Pick One:
Question: Who goes to a library to study? Answer: Literally no one. Whether it’s people falling asleep in A.D White’s luxurious couches, or stalking their crushes on Facebook in the Olin stacks, or just watching The Office on Netflix, you can be pretty bloody sure no one’s doing any studying.
What a wonderful resource we are for students at Cornell. Take your pick of these spots and get “studying,” or don’t, you don’t really have a chance anyway.