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5 Ridiculous CU Student Events That Probably Could Be Real

Do you ever see the posters around campus offering free cupcake making classes or recycling events and think, “Wow, that is really Boulder”? We have too, and that’s why we just had to brainstorm some stuff that possibly could be real. Put your imagination caps on and get ready to read 5 descriptions of ridiculous events that could be happening at CU.

5.) Lululemon fashion show:
Are you an Instagram model looking for some exposure? Oh, do we have the perfect opportunity for you. In the Glenn Miller Ballroom at 7:00 p.m. this Saturday, your local Lululemon store is hosting a fashion show. All ages, genders, and asses are welcome! Make sure to get the Lululemons out of your closet and get ready to walk back and forth on a stage, because we all know you don’t actually use those Wunder Under Low-Rise Tight Full-On Luons for exercise. And, don’t forget, the winner wins a free Lululemon sticker— value of $25.00! Free pizza will be provided.

4.) Sucking contest: How long will it take you to satisfy Ralphie?
The prize is in the experience if you’re one of the many CU students that is horny for school pride. Join the CU animal rights club on Farrand Field to see who could feasibly please the Buffalo the fastest. Between the life sized replica, frisbee, carnival games, and a drawing to win FREE Buff gear, you’re sure to get in the Buffalo mood. And get this – the first 30 people to arrive get a FREE tee shirt. Free pizza will be provided.

3.) Learn to make your own Kombucha out of recycled materials:
Freshman, do you have a full blue bin just waiting to be thrown out? Sophomores, is there a PBR box you’re just hankering to toss in the trash? Juniors and seniors, are you down for some alternative hipster shit? In CHEM 140, join the Kombucha Club and CU Yoga Club in a Kombucha making demonstration – with a twist. Instead of using fermented sugary tea, they’ll be using your OWN recycled materials blended with water. It is sure to be a time for loving mother earth and loving each other. Join your community in being clean and maybe a little sick. Free pizza will be provided!

2.) Rams and reefers:
The CU Drug Knowledge Club invites you and your friends to join in a community Ram and reefers circle. Do you just want to make clever slides at CSU while puffing on the sweet cabbage of the earth? Then this is the place for you. They’ll be on the Norlin Quad at 4:20 on Wednesday for the ultimate bake and (CSU) roast. And afterwords, look forward to a meet and greet between all the members as well as free pizza!

1.) The march of darties:
Join every frat and sorority at CU Boulder for something you’ll definitely take off work for: The CU Boulder march of darties. Hoping to somehow raise awareness of children with disabilities or to raise money for some cause you’ve never heard of, CU greek life is hosting a never-ending binge drinking fiesta on The Hill. The event is happening on Saturday at 10 a.m. Please visit the Phi Tau palace for maps and designated drink refill stations. Donations are always accepted, and– of course– free pizza will be included.

Yes, the sucking contest was a little much, but we all must face the facts that sometimes the population of CU loves Ralphie a little too much. What could be some more items? Feel free to share them with us! Meanwhile, we’ll see you at that march of darties: the other charity event that – unless we see proof – questionably raises money.

 

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