It’s Valentine’s Day! If you’re a single buff, you’ve either accepted your fate of binge watching Disney movies on Netflix or you’re looking for a last minute date. If the latter is true, you’re going to need some excellent CU specific pick-up lines. You’re probably not naturally ultra-smooth (you are single, after all), but the good news is the Black Sheep made up some pick-up lines for you! Use at your own risk.
8.) “I bet you’re as bi as the weather in Boulder.”
Best used when trying to score a threesome with that girl/guy who lives down the hall, and isn’t offended by your ignorance or desperation to land a date. In fact, any time you use a pickup line with “I bet…” you’re off to a bad start.
7.) “Are you Ralphie? Because you lookin’ thicc.”
This one will cause a swift slap to the face, but maybe you’re into that sort of thing. Unless it’s a swoll bro in the Rec, then you’ve said the one thing he really cares about.
6.) “Are you Farrand? Because you look down to grab-n-go?”
An easy one if you’re trying to score a quickie from the person waiting for their burger next to you in Farrand. They’ll say, “Hey that was clever! Ok, let’s do this!” And then you stop spacing out, and eat your burger alone like always.
5.) “I’d climb your flatirons any day.”
This is best said in a sensual whisper to the girl sitting in front of you in Chem 140. Somehow this feels like another insult, but the climbing part is sexual kind of? Anyway, it’s worth a shot.
4.) “You know what they say — I’m like the flatirons: slippery when wet.”
Sorry, we were going to give an analysis to this one but, the more we thought about it, the more we threw up in our mouth. Don’t do this one. Don’t sexualize the mountains like that. Moving on.
3.) “Are you the Buff Bus? Because I’d only be mildly annoyed if you made me late.“
Not the most elegant of lines, but it gets the job done, unlike the horrible bus line on campus.
2.) “Damn, girl. You’ve got a nice buff.”
As tantalizing as it is confusing, this line will probably make the hot girl in the UMC give you a weird look before making an excuse for a quick getaway. Sexy.
1.) “I’ll commit to you like I’ve committed to out-of-state student loans.”
This one is definitely risky. There’s nothing women like more than creepy guys flirting with them in passing on the Hill with no intention of spending more than one night with them, and a pick-up line like this exposes your vulnerability.
You can make up your own pick-up lines if you’re creative, but they won’t be nearly as good as ours. Go ahead. Try it. We dare you.
Who needs a drinkin’ shirt?