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Tragic: CU Freshman Starting To Think Senior Is Only Dating Them For Meal Swipes

CU Boulder freshman Beatrix Cook knew it was too good to be true when she first met senior buff Michael Howell outside the C4C.

“He was like no guy I’ve met before,” Cookcandidly admitted to The Black Sheep. “Michael seemed like he genuinely wanted to get to know me. He kept asking me really personal questions — like whether my meal plan has 15 or 19 swipes per week, and wondering which dining hall is my favorite.”

While this initial encounter once seemed like the beginning of a fairytale love story to Cook, the freshman linguistics major hailing from Chicago is starting to become suspicious of her food-loving beau.

“He only ever calls me when he’s hungry,” Cook complains, nodding solemnly.

Cook is a “smart girl who isn’t blind to the implications of dating an older guy,” and is honest about her skepticism of Michael’s intentions, she told us. 

“I definitely thought he was different from others, but the way Michael’s always staring at my snacks from the C4C Grab-and-Go, counting lunch at the Alferd Packer Grille as a ‘date,’ or asking me what I’m eating makes me suspect him of ulterior motives,” Cook nervously conceded. But these aren’t the only behaviors that are making the new buff anxious.

Cook, who lives in Farrand just a floor away from the in-dorm dining center, said that “Michael was at first really into my living situation, but he’s recently taken a lot of interest in my friend Linda who lives in Sewall, which also happens to be his favorite dining hall.”

Michael was unavailable for comment at the accusations that he’s more infatuated with Cook’s meal plan than Cook herself, but the matter will no doubt become more clear to the poor freshman when her senior bf starts asking how much munch money she has left.

Listen to Talk of Shame, a podcast about being young & dumb, hosted by 2 drunk girls from The Black Sheep, Mackenzie & Andrea. One can’t find her tampon, the other one’s laundry is probably on fire. Subscribe to Talk of Shame:

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