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CU Sorority Girl Who Ate At The Fat Shack Before Snorting Coke Last Night Won’t Stop Boasting About How Healthy She Is For Drinking Boulder Water

CU sorority girl Brittany Mariano of Gamma Tri Buta wants everyone to know that she is on a health kick. It’s been reported that the same sophomore business major hailing from Chicago, who was seen last night snorting two lines of coke a few hours after downing a Fat Doobie sandwich from the Fat Shack, has recently started telling anyone who will listen about how healthy she is for drinking Boulder water.

“My skin is always glowing, my hair is voluminous, and I’m constantly energetic,” Mariano was heard screaming on the steps of Norlin Monday morning. After taking a quick cigarette break, the G Tri sister took it one step further by also yelling about how she’s “never been healthier” since she started drinking Boulder’s tap water.

The Black Sheep reached out to Mariano’s mom in Chicago to ask if she’s seen any changes in her daughter since she’s arrived at CU. “Brittany has definitely become healthier at school, and she swears it’s all because of that high-quality water from Boulder Creek,” Mariano’s mother confirmed. “Sometimes when she’s home for too long, it’s like she’s even going through withdrawal from the water! Twitching and sweating and everything!”

At press time, Mariano was seen insisting to a passing tour group that she “hopes my story will inspire others to fix their diet and become healthier like me.” 

Listen to Talk of Shame, a podcast about being young & dumb, hosted by 2 drunk girls from The Black Sheep, Mackenzie & Andrea. One can’t find her tampon, the other one’s laundry is probably on fire. Subscribe to Talk of Shame:

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