Fuck it, let’s rank the CU frats. You ready for a wild ride, Buffs? Wooooo! Let’s fuckin’ do this!!!!!!!
1.) Pi Kappa Phi:
You bet your ass Pi Kappa Phi slid into the number one spot like a smooth ass bro slides into DMs. That’s right, they’re sitting’ pretty as kings of the frat castle. Sorry, frats that aren’t Pi Kappa Phi. These boys is sittin’ pretty at our number one.
2.) Phi Kappa Psi:
Stepping into the room as a soft nine is, you guessed it motherfuckers, it’s Phi Kappa Psi. And you know what they say about second place — it’s almost as good as first. A spot worth cracking open a cold one with the frat boys to, for sure.
3.) Sigma Epsilon:
That’s right — it’s ya boys at Sigma Epsilon. Pulled through with the number three spot. Pretty dope. That’s a bronze medal. That’s a spot on the podium, in the winner’s circle baby. Fuck yeah they did it. Fuck yeah they’re top three. You boys can sig our ep anyday. We’re ranking the shit out of these frats. Moving on.
4.) Sigma Nu:
Not even surprised. Our boys at Sigma Nu did it again. Not number three or five, but definitely number four. You bet your ass that shit feels nice. Real nice. Who want to know who number five is? Shut the fuck up. You know you do.
5.) Chi Psi:
Oh shit, did we just put Chi Psi in our top five? Fuck yeah we did. Why? Cus they’re fuckin’ top tier material, baby. That’s why. You wish you were top five, but you’re not. Because you’re not a frat. And this is a list of frats, not yous. Chi Psi changes the game. They deserve this. Who’s number six?
6.) Sigma Pi:
And you thought we forgot? Sixth place tastin’ like sweet cherry pie to these motherfuckers. Sigma Pi Straight boned the competition on this one. Alright, calm down Sigma Pi, we’re done with that. Fuck, this list is going great. Feels good. On to number seven.
7.) Sigma Alpha Epsilon:
The bois at Sigma Alpha Epsilon clenched number seven. Sigma Alpha Epsilon is dominating right now. In conclusion, Sigma Alpha Epsilon is number 7 on our list. Alright, this ranking is so lit. Moving on.
8.) Theta Xi:
Who the fuck else but Theta Xi would chill comfortably in the number eight spot, leagues ahead of the nine spot? God damn. These crazy kids. they’ve got this in the bag. Who else is top ten?
9.) Alpha Epsilon Pi:
Nabbing that top ten spot like they own it, Alpha Epsilon Pi has fucking arrived. If they don’t demand a top ten spot, we don’t know what does. Who’s gonna round out that top ten? Place your bets now. Shit this is the best list we’ve ever made.
10.) Phi Kappa Tau:
Feels good, don’t it boys? Feels fucking great to be on top. That windy-ass spiral staircase? You bet your ass they’re climbing it straight to the top. Phi Tau is balling out right now. Alright, let’s finish this.
11.) Zeta Beta Tau:
What’s good, Zeta Beta Tau? Caboosing the shit outta our list at number eleven, Zeta Beta Tau is holding onto that top eleven position. Yo, it can only get better from here, boys. Zeta Beta Tau is out here for the win, and you know they’re just getting started.
We fucking said it and it’s out there. We straight up just numerically owned these kids. Take it or leave it, but this here was a ranking of the frats. We did it.
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