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Sink or Swim: Roasting the Yelpers Who Reviewed “The Sink”

 

The likes of Guy Fieri, President Obama, and Anthony Bourdain, have dined at this fine institution giving it their seal of approval, yet there are a number of Yelpers who tragically disagree. Clearly these clowns have never been to flavor-town, but luckily were here to give them the roasting they so deserve for trying to tarnish the reputation of a restaurant that has the support of not only the POTUS, but even more importantly our boy, Mr. Fieri.

 

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That’s your first mistake right there, Zem! Or rather your boyfriend’s mistake; what guy orders a Caesar salad when going out to eat with his girlfriend? And then you get offered a free scoop of ice cream and refuse it? That’s exactly what you want after a horrible meal to clean your palette. I don’t ever remember ordering food that had emotions, but if you say that French onion soup was sad, then wow, you must be having a shitty day. Maybe you should re-train the servers yourself, it seems like you know more about the intricacies of working at a high-end, five-star restaurant than the manager.

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You found three hairs in your burger??!! Lucky! Usually I have to ask for a side with my burger which is an extra $1.50. We get it you’re from Maryland, you don’t understand the outdoors and natural Colorado lifestyle. Hair is just another natural ingredient to create an interesting texture to nearly any food of your choosing. In Boulder, it’s about the all-natural, gluten-free, vegan diet and whether what you found was human, horse, dog, or mountain lion hair it abides by those dietary restrictions. When in Boulder do as the Boulderites do.

 

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Thanks mom! That’s exactly what I want for my 18th birthday to go to the restaurant where you took my older brother for his 18th! This already sounds like a blast, a hoot, a holler, a goof, and a gaff all in one. How inconsiderate! It’s your daughter’s 18th birthday and all you do is complain about how the sourdough on your Reuben that wasn’t actually sourdough. I’m already bringing out the sad little violin. And yeah why else wouldn’t the employees be watching the football game? I’m sure they’re stoned, bored, hate their jobs and can’t wait to leave. Nicole if you were my mom I’d give you a big hug and kiss and really cherish the time you took me to a college diner for my 18th. And who in their right mind gets sourdough on a Reuben?

 

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Again, what the hell is this place doing on Diners, Drive-Ins and Dives?! Probably was the college edition of the show. And no, Shawn, that doesn’t make any sense, “the coleslaw tasted like a livestock show if that makes any sense.” What is a livestock show by the way? I’ve never heard of people watching cows and chickens roam around for fun. You should get bonus points for that blood shot, I’m seriously impressed. Also glad to know that you don’t mind blood drenched all over your plate, sure you aren’t a vampire?

 

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NinjaJeff, if you’re such a badass ninja why don’t you just swoop in and sneak out twenty packets of ketchup, shouldn’t be a challenge. Ever hear of a microwave to warm up your food? No wonder you’re from Utah. NinjaJeff back at it again trying to be cool; very sly use of “tho,” points to you for being hip and using the millennial spelling my friend. Don’t hate on this place because HangryBuffs fucked up your order. Half the drivers can barely use Google Maps. If you’re going to be this salty, just stay in Salt Lake.

 

Whether it’s getting free hair in your burger or slurping blood off of your plate, The Sink, has so much to offer.  If Obama can slam down that P.O.T.U.S. pizza after a whole afternoon of baby kissing, then you know this place is the real deal.

 

 

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