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4 UD Sophomores Regret Hurriedly Signing Lease

 

 

For the past two week, four sophomore roommates in disagreement has left the entire UD community torn and in awe. After signing a lease together during the Fall semester of 2015, Jenny, Rebecca, Ashley, and Emily* have since decided that the first two days of freshman year were not enough time to get to know one another, and they actually, in fact, hate each other.

 

During their first few weeks as freshmen at UD, Jenny, Rebecca, Ashley, and Emily were immediately devoted to a lifelong friendship. They’re all from various parts of New Jersey, love Soul Cycle, and are avid LARPers. It only took a few days of living on the same freshman floor in Gilbert Hall to decide that they were destined to spend 3 more years filling a shelf with empty Svedka bottles together, and decided to sign a lease together.

 

“I think we started to drift apart during um… September 3rd,” Jenny told The Black Sheep. “Rebecca would totally borrow my clothes and not give them back, and so I would go into her room and steal money from her. It’s only fair, you know? Well, eventually I had all this money and didn’t know what to do with it, so Emily suggested that I buy a llama for a pet in our apartment!”

 

Unfortunately, the llama defecated so much that they didn’t know what do to about all the excess feces, and were unable to call maintenance for help due to the apartment’s no pet policy. The girls unanimously decided, since they hated Ashley the most, that they would use her bed as storage for the llama excrement.

 

“I mean, I just really wanted them to like me. And it didn’t really smell that bad,” Ashley told us. “But eventually, I didn’t really want to sleep with llama poop, honestly. So I started leaving notes and hoped that they would catch on.”

 

“[Ashley] is literally so passive aggressive!” Rebecca told The Black Sheep. She kept leaving us these notes, like it’s a weird thing that she has to sleep with our pet llama’s poop every night. That really isn’t THAT much to ask!”

 

Meanwhile, the girls were so preoccupied in their llama drama that they didn’t realize Jenny’s descent into the lonely pit of addiction.

 

“I was addicted to eating dirt,” Jenny admitted to us. “It was so bad, and nobody noticed. I had to drop out of school for a while to take some time for myself. And they only cared about that stupid llama, so nobody even noticed that I’d been eating so much dirt until Emily realized that the soil in her potted plants were missing. Sometimes I would openly do it on the Green, too.”

 

It wasn’t long before the girls’ neighbors, and then the entire university caught on to the drama. “It’s really hard to deal with the paparazzi,” Emily told us. “They’re always waiting outside, trying to catch us fighting. I usually just throw my El Diablo leftovers at them to make them go away.”

 

It’s still up in the air whether the girls will re-sign their lease for junior year. Until then, The Black Sheep is not responsible for any injuries caused by half eaten Mexican food if you decide you want to stop by to catch one of their infamous arguments.

 

*pseudonyms used to protect identity of victims

 

 

Since when do college apartments have rooftop pools?

 

 
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