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7 Pretty Embarrassing Things We Know You Did Over Break, You Should Be Ashamed Of Yourselves

Despite being just one of many really fucking annoying things about UD, our 2-month-too-long winter break is one of the most infamous features about this place. Whether Blue Hens choose to spend this time swiping right from the comfort of their childhood bedroom or taking “classes” here on campus (ie: looking at pictures of stars for an hour a day, thank you Astronomy), all of us are left with a  little too much free time for boolin’ and boozin’. Now, we’re calling you out for all the weird shit you did while waiting for break to be oooooooooooooooverrrrrrrrrrrrr.

6.) Jerk off to pictures of Joe Biden:
Unfortunately, no one else gets rock hard at the mention of Joe Daddy besides a Blue Hen. Going home for break is difficult because no one from your home town is a Biden Baddie like you, so you have to keep your former veep fetish to yourself and pray a sex tape gets leaked soon. The ice cream pictures can only get you so far.

5.) Cry because Towson Hot Bagels will never be NDB:
Some people say it’s impossible to mess up a basic breakfast sandwich. We say fuck those people and send them to Towson Hot Bagels, where they are sure to be proven wrong immediately. Although NDB is nothing extraordinary, it’s a consistent quality bagel on Saturday mornings when there’s just “nooo way” you can drink again that day.

4.) Drunkenly hit up your hook up …just to realize he lives 6 hours away:
You’ve stumbled home with this person a few more times than you’d like to admit, but have never really seen each other outside of your CR dorm room. Your conversations don’t stem very far past a “You up?” text, and they never occur before midnight. You shoot your shot, hoping that by some miracle they’d live a town over, only to find out you’re hooking up with one of very few Blue Hens that live somewhere other than Jersey or PA.

3.) Put in eye drops and spray perfume:
When you’re ripping your bong on your ash-covered Cleveland couch, you’re not worried about your mom walking in. And when you head to your 12:05 class with eyes redder than a double Kate’s Punch, you’re not afraid of making eye contact with anyone because chances are they’re high too. At home, you spend 40 minutes smoking and 2 hours airing out because you’re sure your mom knows.

2.) Had your pet watch you vomit:
Let’s be real, the best part of coming home is those lil paws and wet nose. Your pet is probably even more excited to have you home than your mom is, which is why they want to spend every. single. minute. right by your side. Even the ones spent with your head in a toilet bowl.

1.) Stay in on a Friday night: 
It sounds crazy, we know. Because it is. Spending a Friday night on the couch and not on the floor of some bar seems like a waste of precious college time, but during the final stretch of break once all of your home friends have returned to their schools, it happens. And it sucks. But that’s why we’re known to take advantage of any possible shot at a good time. The only things that get us through the long winter are the memories of parties past and the belief in bangers to be had.

If you felt personally victimized by this list, just know you’re not alone. We all get a little weird when we’re away from Newark too long but don’t worry, we’re back Blue Hens!!!!!

 

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