When Main Street bars do that annoying thing where they close by 1 a.m., it can be difficult for a drunkard to get a good bite to eat in the wee hours of the morning. However, one establishment stands above the rest when it comes to providing late-night nom-noms: Jimmy John’s. After doing some field research, The Black Sheep has created a list of the eight types of probably-drunk humans you’ll encounter at Jimmy John’s at 1:45 a.m.
8.) The Freshman Who Asks if They Can Pay with Flex:
During the first few months of the school year, people will learn the hard way that, no, they cannot pay with Flex on Main Street. Freakin’ freshmen.
7.) That Person from Long Island Who Orders a “Hero:”
People usually order subs because that’s what’s listed on the menu. Not hoagies, heroes, or blimpies (what?) Nonetheless, some UD student from Long Island will insist on ordering a “hero.” They’ll also insist that their way is right even if no one wants to argue over regional accents at 1:45 in the goddamn morning.
6.) The Person Who Falls Asleep in the Booth:
Maintaining a social life can be an exhausting full-time job, and someone always ends up getting a little too tired after throwing back 6 pitchers at Rooney’s. All that bread and tryptophan in JJ’s Turkey Tom will knock ‘em right out.
5.) The Guy That Throws Up in the Bathroom and Ruins It for Everyone:
Honestly, fuck this guy. On a good night, he’s nowhere to be found. But, occasionally, he’ll show his face and position it directly over the toilet. Sometimes he’ll sneak out the back entrance to run home, but not fast enough to escape the angry delivery biker who got stuck cleaning up after him.
4.) The Girl Who Left Her Purse at Grotto and Really Wants a B.L.T. But Has No Means of Paying for It:
There’s always some girl who forgets her purse at Grotto and gets really emotional at the register . She’ll either make a huge scene until she gets her sandwich for free (not likely), or ask literally anyone if she can Venmo them for it.
3.) The Person Who Attempts to Initiate Conversation with the Jimmy John’s Employees While They Work:
The good people who work at Jimmy John’s at ungodly hours of the night aren’t your personal therapists. Yet there’s always someone who tries to spill all of their emotional beans to them.This a sandwich establishment, people. Leave your beans out of it.
2.) The Guy With Beer Stains All Over His Shirt:
This common breed of male often shows up in an outfit covered in light brown spots, which are the result of none other than spillage of Natty Lite. Why doesn’t he just get his sandwich delivered? Nobody knows, and we’re too drunk to ask.
1.) The One Plastered Freshman Who Can’t Believe They Never Realized How Good Jimmy John’s Was Until This Very Moment:
There’s always at least one freshman who is a virgin to the 8” Sub. Witnessing someone enjoy Jimmy John’s late at night for the first time can be a breathtaking and marvelous experience. These moments reinforce the idea that the sandwich makers at JJ’s aren’t just making sandwiches: they’re making memories.
Deer Park Tavern and Homegrown are staples on Main Street for those who enjoy live entertainment while also getting their drink on. However, the dinner theatre provided by the quirky late-night patrons of Jimmy John’s is far more entertaining to watch.
Ever need a reason to skip class? Think again: