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Bitching About the Biker Bar: Yelp! Reviews of Deer Park Tavern

 

No college town is complete without a dive bar where students, townies, and bikers can all come together under one roof to get shitfaced. That bar here in Newark is, Deer Park Tavern. Only the lamest of UD outsiders don’t understand the charm of our hometown diamond in the rough.

 

 

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Fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, don’t go back to the goddamned biker bar again, Matthew. Who expects five-star dining from an establishment that sports strobe lights and a popcorn machine?

 

 

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Did you come here to get drunk or be coddled, Caitlin? Because at most college town bars you usually just have to pick one or the other, and Deer Park is THE place for drinking. Also, we think you’re a bitch.

 

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When you take to Yelp! to write a lengthy review entirely revolving around the tomatoes that you chose not to simply pick off of your quesadilla, it might be time to reevaluate your priorities. Like as in why the fuck are you going to a shitty dive bar expecting quality Mexican food? You have much larger problems to worry about beyond those tomatoes causing you so much strife.

 

 

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We’re sorry that you were put out by the fact that the good employees of the dive bar refused to kick the bikers out of their outdoor tables so you and your party could sit there instead, Elishia; but there are fucking children starving in Africa so we suggest that you appreciate your garbage popcorn and shut up.

 

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We’re just going to assume that this is the hit TV series Spongebob and this is Mr. Krabs. We think that calling out a fellow restaurant owner like this as a tactic to steer more business toward the Krusty Krab is despicable, resentful, and downright deplorable. You’re not what you once were, Eugene.

 

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First of all, what the fuck, Ron. How long have you lived in Newark, since ‘Nam? Secondly, we highly doubt that someone who was born in 1854 would’ve attended a prom at which 2009’s greatest pop hits were played. And thirdly, good sir, who in their right mind goes to a bar for the soda? Get it together, pal.

 

 

So there you have it, UD. Real, live people (and fictional cartoon crustaceans) give their unadulterated opinions of Deer Park Tavern and are shut down by The Black Sheep, defender of college town bars and conqueror of haterz.

 

 

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