According to recent reports, a succulent, sprightly cold sore that emerged on Blue Hen Ambassador Tory Guidestein’s lower lip reportedly had a wonderful time on the tour of UD’s campus it received this past weekend. The blistering, crusty, and mostly white swollen lesion felt right at home on campus as it received a thorough tour of what 18,000 other blistering, crusty, and mostly white swollen lesions experience on a daily basis.
“I could totally see myself going here,” explained the cold sore. “I was looking around at the student body while our tour group made its way around campus, gazing at all these beautiful, smiling faces and I kept thinking to myself, ‘wow, I can’t wait to assimilate right into the student body!’ The vibes at UD are infectious.”
The cold sore was given the deluxe treatment by its peppy and obsequious Blue Hen Ambassador host. Guidestein was reportedly gracious enough to show the physical manifestation of the herpes simplex virus all of the nooks and crannies on the Newark campus that other herds of prospective infectious agents and their parents don’t get the chance to see. We asked the cold sore about the specific parts of its campus tour that were so enjoyable.
“Tory was so welcoming on my tour at UDel,” said the disease, ironically failing to realize the sheer utterance of the phrase “UDel” is a disease in and of itself. “She really made me feel like I was right at home. Most tour guides take their captives on a brief walk around campus without really immersing them in the day-to-day student experience. My BHA not only took me into Laurel Hall, she took me into Student Health with her so I could experience what an appointment to get a prescription for oral antiviral prescription was like for the typical UD student. I even went with her to pick up the prescription later at Walgreens on Main. It was sick!”
Guidestein anticipated getting the typical “is UD a party school?” and “what’s the party scene like?” questions asked on most campus tours. However, she was pleasantly surprised when the cold sore, having familiarized itself with many members of Greek life scene, spewed knowledge of every brother in Alpha Gamma Rogaine in addition to a bit of clear fluid. When asked how it was so knowledgeable about these things, the cold sore replied that, although originally hailing from Cancún, it had spent the past two weeks sightseeing on East Park Place, so it had gotten to know its residents fairly well.
“My favorite part of the tour, you ask? It was definitely when Tory took me to this party on Choate St., which is above and beyond what a BHA is expected to do, and introduced me to a few of her close guy friends as if I was her best buddy! We all got really close and shared a lot with one another that night. I think I could definitely see myself coming back to visit my Choate St. friends again and again and again in the future, especially when they least expect it!”
A driven yet defensive student, the cold sore plans on entering UD as a Medical Lab Sciences major with the sole purpose of eliminating the major entirely.