A recent study preformed by UD sociology majors has discovered that 78% of students would rather get hit by the train that travels through Newark than leave their spot in line for Jefe.
It’s a well-known fact that a Blue Hen’s favorite day of the week is Tuesday, but why exactly is that? While it could be the half price Kate’s nachos or the fact that Tuesday seems to work really well with the words “taco” and “tequila”, data shows it’s attributed to our beloved Jefe.
He spends every Tuesday night at Deer Park playing covers of everyone’s favorite oldies but goodies. His real name is a mystery to the entire student body, he’s known to smooth talk young women who are front row, face-to-dick level with him each week, and students would rather get hit by a locomotive than miss his show.
Due to Jefe’s popularity and the limited space that Deer Park has to offer, the bar isn’t exactly the biggest venue for Loko-ed-out college students. The line is often absurdly long…and dangerous.
Sources explain that it sometimes wraps around Willard and stops close to or on the North Campus train tracks; however, students will do anything to secure their spots—even if it means getting rocked in the face by said train.
“You never really know how long it’s going to be, you just know it’s probably in your best interest to pack some light snacks and some heavy drinks,” said one line-frequenting senior.
This past Tuesday, The Black Sheep got the chance to interview some students risking their lives in various places throughout the line.
Seniors Dessie Sperate and Anita Dickinme spearheaded the line with a tent made for two right by the front entrance.
“I know Jefe loves me, so every Wednesday we come out here and pitch a tent and wait for the next Tuesday.” said Anita. “Last year, I was stuck in line right next to the train tracks for 3 hours. I lost my hearing for over a month, and now I refuse to get that close to the tracks again.”
Anita is one of the few students who reported that she was not willing to put her life in danger for Jefe, so we stopped talking to her because we think she’s a nerd.
Toward the middle of the line is where bystanders might find rowdy frat boys who are trying to prove they have more testosterone than Jefe, which just isn’t true.
“Last week the train was coming and my boys were standing on the tracks but the line wasn’t moving at all so they all just put their hands out and tried to make it stop,” said Delta Iota Kappa Fraternity President. “Unfortunately, it didn’t work, so we promised to FaceTime them in the hospital so they can hear Jefe kill it tonight.”
Toward the back of the line, two girls appeared to be screaming at each other so The Black Sheep stepped in to see what the commotion was.
“This bitch was literally behind me then sprinted all the way past me to get in front of me in line,” said one girl frantically. “What if I don’t get in to see him?! He’s going to notice if I’m not there,” she said before bursting into tears.
“It’s not my fault you’re wearing heels,” commented the girl in front as she took a swig of brown liquid in a clear water bottle. “More Jefe for me. Let me know how the train tastes!”
Jefe, if you’re reading this, just know that UD’s student body would literally die for you and your beautiful “Mr. Brightside” cover. Maybe you should start preforming more than once a week so everyone gets a chance to check you out! P.S. – We love you.