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UD Freshman, Aspiring Pilot, Stunned to Find “The Cockpit” Actually Just Empty Student Section


This past Saturday, UD Freshman Jimmy Fleetwood reported that he was appalled to learn that the cockpit he had heard so much about was actually just an empty student section at the football stadium.


“I decided to use the in-flight wifi to do some research on UD campus life on my way over when I stumbled across a piece of University issued propaganda entitled ‘UD Students Flock to Cockpit in 2017’. Obviously, I didn’t read the story because it sounded boring, but I knew that I was going to be one of those students flocking to the cockpit because I had just decided that I was going to use my time at UD to become a commercial pilot,” he explained.


When he got to campus, Fleetwood proceeded to ask around about the cockpit.


“Yeah, the kid was asking about the cockpit, so I pointed him in the right direction, seemed like a real dumbass,” said the UD baseball team equipment manager.


“I couldn’t figure out why the aviation department was only open on Saturdays, but I didn’t care if I had to take a Saturday class to achieve my dream,” Fleetwood explained to reporters.


Upon arrival to the cockpit, Fleetwood was shocked to find that he was the only person there, and a football game had broken out.


“That’s when it hit me that the aviation program must start after football season since they’re playing games at our facility.” Stated a suspicious Fleetwood. “I love college football, but I never knew Delaware had a team. Apparently, nobody else did either, because it was just me and the marching band.”



“I couldn’t believe there was a student at the game,” said a confused tuba player. “Usually we get the whole student section to ourselves, but this kid in a pilot suit showed up and sat in the stands, said something about a cock or something, weird guy.”


Despite all signs suggesting he is mistaken about the aviation program, Fleetwood says he’ll continue to show up to the cockpit on Saturdays.


“I missed out on the first week of college studying up on how to be a pilot, so I don’t have many friends.” explained Fleetwood, “Now I show up to the cockpit every Saturday and cheer on the team. I guess it’s fun, but I’m just waiting for the day the aviation professor shows up so I can get to flying; I guess it starts after football season.”


The team honored Fleetwood as “superfan of the season” at last week’s game. Fleetwood was the only nominee for the award as he’s the first student to show up this season.


Fleetwood is still holding on to his belief that the cockpit will turn into the aviation lab at the end of the football season, and as a result his major remains undeclared.




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