This past Saturday, a UDPD officer was seen holding back sophomore Daniela Jackson’s hair as she violently regurgitated an entire bottle of peach-flavored André onto the sidewalk. The incident occurred on the corner of North Chapel and New Streets.
“She was already getting cited for underage drinking anyway, it was the least I could do,” said officer Chris Bard.
Bard and his partner, officer Randy Shook, were allegedly seen chasing Jackson and a horde of other Alpha Sigma Apple Pie pledges out of a backyard on North Chapel when Jackson began profusely emptying the contents of her stomach onto her thigh-high green and white striped socks.
“She was getting it in her hair and all over her socks. She was actually vomiting with such force that I’m pretty sure one of her four-leaf clover tattoos skyrocketed off of her cheek,” said officer Shook. “That’s when I played rock-paper-scissors with Bard for who got to write the ticket, and who had to deal with that mess.”
Onlookers described the scene as somewhat heartwarming.
“I couldn’t believe it,” said Emily, a senior who watched the commotion unfold from her porch. “It was refreshing to see a member of the UDPD go the extra mile to help that poor girl. Especially after he’d probably already dealt with a bunch of other people like that. It was like, 10 a.m., after all.”
“It was so cool that a guy cop set aside his masculinity to do something that girls normally do to help each other,” said one of Jackson’s pledge sisters. “I was totally about to do it, but I was hiding in the cemetery. –What? I didn’t want to get a ticket, too!”
When we reached out to Jackson for comment, she didn’t remember anything.
Needless to say, members of the community were pleased to learn how the UDPD handled the situation, and have shown that they support and appreciate the officers’ actions by hanging bedsheet signs up and down the North Chapel street houses that read messages like “UDPD is ok we guess,” and “Thanks, that was cool.”
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