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Large Scale Orgy to Take Place on Green in Retaliation Against Westboro Baptist Church

 

On Wednesday, religious protesters congested the red brick walkways at the top of the Green to tell us that we’re all going to hell, as if most UD students didn’t already know that. The protesters held signs advertising messages such as “Muslims are going to hell,” “you’re all sluts,” and “fuck da police.” Students and residents of the campus reacted accordingly.

 

“I saw them on my way to class, and I almost didn’t stop to take a picture with them, like some kind of idiot,” reported Muslim student Sara Abad.

 

“This one guy yelled at me and told me that my sundress was too short. I mean, I know that but like let me live, you know? Sorry if you can see my balls, it’s just comfortable like this, okay!” commented graduating senior Dan Weaver.

 

The Black Sheep was able to obtain some exclusive interviews with the angry sign-wielders. When asked why they were protesting, self-proclaimed homophobe Jeff Durrs said, “I’m actually here because of my own repressed homosexual feelings and tendencies. I figure that the more I shit on gay people, the less gay I will be.”

 

“I just like to hold signs and yell,” commented another.

 

Students have decided to band together and host the largest public orgy in Delaware’s history as an act of retaliation. It’s scheduled to happen later Wednesday evening, “assuming that those dudes haven’t been like, arrested yet,” said Jesse Smith, organizer of the orgy. “We kinda want them to watch… it’d be hot.”

 

 

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