To Whom It May Concern,
We would officially like to resign from our positions as students at the University of Delaware.
After putting in four years with this organization, we think it is time for us to move on. You have abandoned us in our time of MATH783 one too many times. We have a list of grievances that we suggest you address if you hope to be successful in the future.
Please pinch your pennies, don’t waste them on dumb shit like the new obstacle course to get into the library, or the big penny slip and slide on I-95.
In addition, the leadership of your institution has been weak at best. First, we were lead by President Mittens-for-all Harker, whose advice was always useless. Now the highest-ranking official is a literal Ass-anus. We suggest you improve your selection committee.
Finally, the entire facility has smelled like manure for years. We thought whatever stench it was would be resolved in a week, in a month, in four years, and still nothing. The butt smell has got to go if you ever want people to come back from tours.
We will miss the benefits like free UDairy every now and then, but at least we’ll never be forced to go “cockpit crazy” in public again just for a free t-shirt. Our time here in Newark has finally, thankfully, come to an end.
The Class of 2017