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Several Children’s Lives Peak as Little League World Series Comes to a Close

Following the conclusion of the 2014 Little League World Series, sources close to the athletes involved say that for many of the 11 to 13 year olds, their lives have already reached their highest point.


“Oh for sure, this was my son Cole’s moment in the sun,” said Tracy Hammond. “He reached puberty before the other kids, which helped with this, but soon they’ll all catch up. And Cole’s no brainiac.” 


Although studies have shown that some of these ballplayers grow up to achieve bigger and better things, the vast majority of them have nowhere to go but down after being put on such a prominent international stage. 


Tré Barnes agreed, stating, “Look, it’s not like I’m going to flame out or anything, but even a comfortable full-time job falls well short of what I’ve experienced these past few weeks. I’m not going to be president, and that’s fine. Now I just have to steel myself for decades of sub-prime living.”


“We went to the title game and were featured on international television multiple times,” says Japanese national team member Ren Suzuki. “Where can you go from there? For me, it was back to school, which will be followed by college, after which I will take a job at the company where my father works, and where I will labor away until I die and my son replaces me in turn.”


“I got Cole some ice cream on the way back from Williamsport,” said Hammond. “Hopefully it will cool any expectations he might have for future grandeur and be yummy, too.”

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