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Shit You’re Just Too Old For at UD


The University of Delaware is a magical place where dreams come true, bad decisions are made, and the drunk food possibilities are endless. However, as the painful time of midterms rolls around yet again, it’s hard not to think about the plethora of things that are starting to get really fuckin’ old here in Newark, especially for us upperclassmen.


5.) The Saturday rally on Choate:
Every weekend of freshman and sophomore year was a sprint from beginning to end. Waking up at 10 a.m. to pregame for the pregame for the dage was like second nature. Once the dage ended, Dominos was ordered, power naps were taken, and the journey towards Saturday night began. Yo… WHAT. The absolute most that’s happening on upperclassmen Saturdays is a late Stone Balloon brunch, casual Choate porch drinking, and a quick trip to Grottos. How dare you expect anything more.


4.) Main Street food:
Okay yeah, we’re very blessed to have dozens of food options at our fingertips. But, come on, it’s Delaware. No one ever goes to Delaware to get the best pizza or the best bagels, or really the best anything. We’ve dealt with the knockoff New Jersey bagels from NDB and the day-after-day Peet’s coffee. But let’s be honest, it’s nothing to write home about, and our tired old asses are sick of it after four, grueling years.  



3.) Cheap Alcohol from Peddler’s:
It makes sense that being underage puts you in a situation where you have to be happy with anything you can get your hands on. Natty Light and Burnett’s used to be what kept us going but we’ve grown, we’re cultured and shit. Backs of pickup trucks filled to the brim with lukewarm, watered down beer no longer peaks our interest. Instead of depressingly sipping on our alcohol in George Read in secret, we drink it loud and proud. As intellects, we enjoy getting shitfaced off of a full bottle of Barefoot wine, thank you very much!


2.) Rubbing Hugh Morris’ nose:
Listen, the whole nose rubbing thing was really cute at first. Having the UD community rally behind this man’s fictional nose power was a good shtick for a long time. But when it gets to a point where this former federal District Court judge’s nose is the last hope in getting anything close to a good grade, it’s time to shut it down. As upperclassmen, we shouldn’t be worrying about exams to a point where we are willing to humiliate ourselves by infecting our hands with the sweat and grease covered facial features of a former fucking judge.


1.) Frat Hopping all over the city of Newark:
Not sure who designed our campus in a way that made each frat geographically the furthest possible place from all the other frats. Perhaps… Satan? “Let’s start the night off at South Chap, then maybe we can go to Soco for a little, and then end the night at Academy?” Are you fucking joking? That’s a full marathon. If you want to hit all the best places, you have got to be willing to dedicate approximately 60% of your night to traveling. But don’t you worry, once you arrive at these hellholes, the fun is just beginning. Temperatures reaching upwards of 170º, freshmen who look literally twelve, and drunk shoving! Who doesn’t love drunk shoving? It was fun while it lasted, but we’d be fine never having to step foot in a frat house again for the rest of our lives. 


Luckily for UD students, it’s only halfway through the semester, and there’s still plenty of time to experience all that Newark has to offer. Sure, it’s possible to get too old for a lot of it, but that doesn’t mean you won’t miss every minute of it.




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