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Special Report: How UDPD Plans to Handle 4/20 This Year

 Blazed Blue Hens everywhere almost shit their yellow athletic shorts when they discovered 4/20 would fall on a Friday this year. UD loves to boast our beautiful campus on tours, but them Blue Hen ambassadors don’t mention how bud-friendly it is (although it doesn’t take long to figure that out).

While students are spending this week stocking up on the ganj and taking a tolerance break in order to achieve maximum high, UDPD is literally losing their minds over what this means. While they’re known to show up on Fridays and ruin everyone’s lives with underages and noise vios, the boys in blue have no idea how to handle this upcoming FRIEDay.

“I’ve never touched the devil’s lettuce” said Police Chief Lou Ser, “How do you think I became police chief of one of the rowdiest schools on the East Coast?”

It has been reported a crew of undercover cops recently ransacked a local Acme, buying every single bag of chips they saw on the shelf. It can be assumed they will be using these as weapons against the minefield of munchies they are bound to encounter.

An anonymous tip said there will be police posted outside of dages, wafting Snap pizza into the crowd in hopes to weed out (no pun intended) anyone partaking in the holiday’s festivities. There will also be undercovers stationed at 7/11s and BPs all across campus, questioning anyone who purchases a pack of Backwoods or Dutchmasters.

Don’t be afraid though, Ripped Roosters, because these officials have no idea what a high person actually looks like.

“I know that anyone wearing a tie-dye shirt must be high” said one official. “And won’t their eyes be completely closed? That will be easy to spot.”

“My daughter told me to look out for anyone wearing socks with these certain flowers on them” chimed in another, “’flowers with 5 leaves’ she said. But I’ve never heard of a flower like that so I don’t know what she’s talking about.”

So if you’re one of the many Yolked YouDee’s that will be celebrating this Friday, maybe share a little with any officers you come across. They seem to need it just as much as we do.


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