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Sure The Eagles Just Won, Here’s all the Blue Hens Who Had Shittier Athletic Careers

Every year, UD students and fans like to remind themselves that Joe Flacco, elite quarterback and UD grad, also won a super bowl. However, for every Joe Flacco, there are hundreds of Rich Gannon’s—that guy that disappointed Blue Hen fans everywhere when he famously blew it and threw 5 interceptions in Super Bowl XXXVII causing the Raiders to get their asses kicked. Flacco is the Joe Biden of UD sports, so the Gannon’s of the world are the Chris Christies. Here are some former Blue Hens that certainly had no chance of ever winning the “Super Bowl” of their respective sports.

7.) Samantha Newman – UDance Canning Team:
All 4 years at UD she was the top donation getter. When Sam decided to go pro, though, disaster struck. The recession hit and people just didn’t have the money to donate to those Salvation Army canners outside of grocery stores. Sam’s career stopped in its tracks, and she’s now a low-level accountant on Long Island.

6.) YoUDee – UD Mascot Team:
Most people don’t know this but the current YoUDee is actually a replacement. The original YoUDee made the mistake of thinking he could make it in the pros. After a wing injury, he was never the same. The original YoUDee can now be found at pro baseball games as one of those dumbass vegetables that race around the field during the seventh inning stretch; he’s the cucumber. 

5.) “Bronco” McKinley – UD Slater Racing:
He earned the name “Bronco” during his time at UD because he was so damn fast… At crushing slaters. When he decided to go pro, however, his career took a turn for the worse. It turns out that all those sugary drinks can have a negative effect on your health, and McKinley’s pro career was hampered by injuries and he never quite made it at the next level.

4.) Tony Agostino – UD Cockfighting:
The university has destroyed all evidence of the cockfighting team back in the 50s, but the legend of Tony Agostino remains. Tony was a legend in college cockfighting, and made it to two cockfighting national championships. However, Tony’s talent didn’t translate to the next level, and his cocks were devoured on the pro circuit.

3.) Janice Jenkins – UD Clown Hunting:
When the clown epidemic hit UD in 2016, Jenkins was first on the scene. She boasted multiple sightings of said clown, and was eventually the one credited with scaring the clowns off our campus. Unfortunately for Jenkins, her true potential at the pro-level was never recognized because people just seemed to let the whole weird clown thing go.

2.) Brad and Chad from Tau Omega Theta Iota – UD Beer Pong:
Brad and Chad from TΩΘΙ tore it up behind Cleveland avenue during their time here at UD and ended up on the professional beer pong circuit. They started their professional beer pong association doubles careers 0-21. Later they were accused of throwing matches to drink the natty light on purpose, and were subsequently booted from the PBPA and banned for life.

1.) Chris Christie – UD Crossfit:
Most people don’t know this, but Christie started the UD CrossFit program back when he was a student. He wanted to get into the pro CrossFit ranks once he graduated, but free trips to Jerry Jones’ press box and unlimited Notre Dame quarter zips awaited the South Jersey native, UD grad, in the game of politics. Unfortunately, most of us know all too well how that venture into professional CrossFit ended up for Chris.

To close off with some positive news: former Blue Hen Matt Nagy just received the job as the Chicago Bears head coach, making him the first UD grad to earn a head coaching job in the NFL, and UD grad Elena Delle Donne continues to dominate the WNBA. But always remember: for every Matt Nagy, Joe Flacco, and Elena Delle Donne, there are hundreds of Chris Christies.


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