So you’re in the middle of campus, a far walk away from your dorm and suddenly you’re hit by a case of the shits stronger than your hate for the upcoming university president. So now you have two options: attempt (and probably fail) to make the stride all the way back to your dorm without soiling yourself along the way or to find a comfy discreet location to relieve yourself of the dining hall’s attempt at chicken masala from lunch. Luckily, The Black Sheep has put a lot of research hours and effort into this matter to make sure that your unexpected visit from the excrement extractor will be as peaceful, comfortable, and as meditative as can be.
5.) The Bathroom on the Third Floor of Gore.
Well, this may not be the most solitary bathroom on the list but we assure you this bathroom belongs here. It may be incredibly effortful to get up to; you’d have to climb up two flights of devil stairs or wait twelve years for the elevator to finally arrive only to take you twelve more years to get to the top floor, but it has a large selection of available stalls for use thus making it an ideal location to release that solid juice dying to get out.
4.) The Almost Secretive Bathroom in the Basement of Perkins:
If you’re on east campus and looking to go in a quiet, secluded location, then this bathroom is perfect for you. Tucked away in the basement and behind several RSO offices, this recently-built bathroom is truly a shitting paradise. The soft lighting and shale-brown stall walls make you feel as though you’re seated at a spa while letting it rip. Once the brown, messy deed is done, you can pick between one of two flushing options, the green button for diarrhea or silver for that hard solid infant-sized load.
3.) The Center for the Arts First floor Bathroom:
On the flip side, if you’re on West campus doing god knows what and you gotta go, you can take comfort in the fact that a luxurious feces facility is just around the corner. Located on the entry level of the CFA just before the parking lot exit, is this wonderful oasis of shits. Once seated on its thrones, you will be serenaded by the playing of the students in the practice rooms above you. Let’s hope they’re any good.
2.) The Well-Hidden Bathroom on the Second Level of Purnell:
What makes this bathroom so great is not the fanciness of it but the fact that it’s the only single bathroom on this list. This bathroom is housed to the right of the stairs through the double doors and on the right. Not only that, but the puzzling directions make it unlikely for there to be any disturbance, making this a very private pooping experience.
1.) The Bathroom by the Trabant Theater:
This is by far the best bathroom on the list when it comes to privacy, location, and options. This monolith of a restroom can be found in the basement of Trabant around the bend from the Theater. What gives this such prime crapping conditions is the fact that it is almost visited by no one, there are endless amounts of stalls, and it’s perhaps the most clean bathroom on campus.
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