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Things to Get Your Grubby Little Hands on Before Leaving Newark

 

 

You’ve spent the last four years festering in Newark for a higher-level education. Now that your time here has almost come to a close, it only seems fair that you steal some shit on your way out. The Black Sheep has created this list of things for you to get your grubby little hands on before leaving the dirty Del.

 

10.) The “Too High, Turn Out” Street Signs on North Chap:
Stealing stop signs is so undergrad, and these have been begging to be stolen since freshman year. Just imagine this in your adult apartment or childhood bedroom. Either way, it will absolutely fit the aestetic.

 

9.) A Single Hair Off of Kirkbride Jesus’ Wise Head:
You’re gonna need some luck in the real world, and what better way to ensure that than stealing the hair of one of God’s very own messengers, apparently?

 

8.) That Entire Pineapple on Display in Caesar Rodney Dining Hall:
It’s just there, daring you to take it from its smug pedestal.

 

7.) Abandoned Rodney and Dickinson Dorm Furniture:
Honestly, no one would notice, like at all. Plus, dark blue semen stained upholstery is all the rage this year in modern apartment decoration!

 

6.) Exactly Every Single Duck from Grotto’s:
If you can’t win ducks at Grotto’s anymore, nobody can. Bring this slice of the UD party life with you when you leave so you’ll never forget what it’s like to blow cash on useless items and bragging rights.

 

5.) A Cow from South Campus:
Take advantage of UD’s resources one final time by kidnapping a live farm animal. The only people that would care are agriculture people and they don’t know how to use a phone, let alone the internet! You’ll never deal with the grocery store line again.

 

4.) An Automated Library Turnstile:
Who needs a security system when you can have a Morris Library turnstile? Since you need a UD ID to get past it, you can protect your home and social circle from any non-Blue Hens.

 

3.) The Whole Dumpling Cart on Amstel, Chef and All:
What? She’s a nice lady. You might as well get your hands on some bomb-ass food and a mother figure before you leave, since yours has finally washed her hands of you now that you’re a “real person.”

 

2.) The Santa Fe Lanterns:
In a desperate attempt to cling to your college student-hood, we suggest furnishing your apartment with these wacky lantern lights instead of buying real lamps, like some kind of idiot. They’re so quirky and fun, to perfectly remind you of all your days spend in Newark.

 

1.) Every Single Fucking “Hengineer” T-Shirt on This Goddamned Campus:
Since you’re now a college graduate, you’ll need some kind of kindling for those trashcan fires to keep you warm in the cold winter months.

 

Leaving UD can be bittersweet, especially since you’ve paid tuition money for the pain and suffering this whole time. In one last-ditch effort to squeeze the rest of that value out of the thousands you’ve spent over the years on this campus, make sure to take advantage of any last potential freebies you can get your grubby little hands on! 

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