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Top 10: Sex Tips For Fall

The weather may be cooling down, but that doesn’t mean your love life has to! Use The Black Sheep’s best ideas for the sexiest encounter you can have short of fornicating on the roof of Chipotle. 


10.) Getting Down and Dirty in the Leaves: Summer (and sex on the beach) is over, but that doesn’t mean you can’t still get adventurous outdoors! Rake the leaves in your undies and then celebrate on the pile when you’re done. Cleanup will be a breeze, as you’re burning all the leaves anyway. Caution: rake play is not recommended under any circumstances.


9.) Apple Donuts: Fellas, you know where this is going. Solo or as part of a very cautious “bobbing for apples” session with your partner, nothing keeps the energy alive quite like bringing comfort food into the bedroom. For singles, enjoy repeatedly plunging and unsheathing your mighty wooden staff into the warm cinnamon-y cavity your standard donut has to offer. Buying two is optimal, as the second can be eaten to dull the dawning sense of horror set off by having sex with an apple donut. 


8.) Scarf Bondage: This is a warm and cuddly way to enter the world of “lite” BDSM with that special someone. Plus, getting hardcore into this subculture might help you develop your talents for the art of erotic knitting. With the proper marketing, that kind of craftsmanship could easily make you a fortune on Etsy. 


7.) Summon Persephone (And Your Wild Side!): Fall is when the ancient Greeks celebrated the return of Persephone from the Underworld. Perform a modern-day summoning ritual by crushing some herbs over the fire and curvaceously communing with your two favorite priests or priestesses for some old-fashioned fun. Make this more even more exciting by “forgetting” to wear your favorite sweater and jeans under your sacred robes. 


6.) Halloween’s Not the Only Thing Coming: Dress as sexy skeletons to get you both in the mood for some serious boning!  


5.) Fall Pheromones: Leave a trail of empty Starbucks cups to the bedroom. When your lover gets home from their intramural volleyball match, they’ll follow it to find you stretched across the linens, wearing nothing but a sensual layer of pumpkin spice. The smell will cause an instant fallgasm, guaranteed. 


4.) Teacher Roleplay: Put on your hottest glasses and sit in a separate room while a graduate student does all of the work.  


3.) Sexy Scavenging: As said earlier, food in the bedroom is always a good idea. After a cuddly walk in the woods to procure supplies, craft some edible lingerie for yourselves out of fall berries and then feast. This is also a good way to gain a protective layer of fat in preparation for awesome hibernation sex in December. 


2.) Schoolyard Scandal: Bring back a sense of youthful charm in your lovemaking by communicating only in notes ending in “circle Y/N.”


1.) Carnal Campaign: In honor of the election, gerrymander arbitrary sections of your partner’s body in red and blue body paint and pay attention to only those that might vote in agreement with your views. Don’t forget to win over the “swing states,” as you’ll never get elected without the votes of both the derriere and left patella tendon.

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