Sharp Lab is like the festering pimple of the academic buildings that surround the Green. It’s creepy, smelly, old, and there’s an overwhelming sense of “someone died in here” that looms over the building. Most students at some point in their academic careers have had the displeasure of having to spend 50 minutes or more in this building. Here are some common experiences that students share in Sharp Lab.
10.) Not Having a Place to Park Your Bike:
For some reason everyone and their mother parks their bikes at sharp. Hell, even the squirrels park their bikes there. It’s almost impossible to find a spot when you need it the most.
9.) Bumping Into Someone While You Open the Doors on the South College Side:
For some reason, there’s only one handle on the outside of the building facing south college avenue, but people coming from the inside can use both doors. The perfect condition for two strangers to run into each other and get hurt. How fun!
8.) That One Asshole Chair That Doesn’t Spin:
Most of the classrooms in sharp have those fun spin-y chairs in them. But hidden amongst the spin-y chairs is a diabolical little shit that doesn’t spin, and every now and then when you’re having a bad day, you sit in it.
7.) Not Being Able to Find Your Class:
It’s like the person who designed this building forgot how to count, and then later on remembered to add more rooms.
6.) The Creepy Basement Calling Out to You:
Every time you walk by the door that leads to the basement, whether or not you have class down there, it feels as if the ghost of Harker’s past is trying lure you down and force you to wear mittens.
5.) Having to Walk All the Way Around Just to Enter the Building:
This is extremely annoying. Why don’t they just put a break in the brick like they do for all the other buildings? But no, they’d rather make you walk all the way around just to enter because fuck you.
4.) Walking By the Computer Labs and Accidentally Locking Eyes with Someone:
Somehow the computer lab doors are always open, and right at the exact moment you look into to room you instantly lock eyes with someone inside. It’s almost as if you were in a Nicholas Sparks movie, minus the white people kissing.
3.) Getting Motivated by The Smiling Portraits:
Normally seeing the faces of potentially dead people is not all that exciting, but there’s something warm and encouraging about seeing the bright and sunny faces of these old dudes. It also helps that one of them looks like “The Most Interesting Man in the World” and another looks like Colonel Sanders.
2.) Sitting on the Benches Outside the Lecture Halls and Getting Stared at During Class Changes:
Every student has been glared by that mob of people who just left the room you’re about to go suffer in.
1.) The Overwhelming Feeling That Something Just Isn’t Right Here:
Maybe it’s because the building is so old or someone’s science experiment went wrong and is living in walls. Maybe it’s because of all the dreams that get shattered in there. Whatever the real reason may be, Sharp is completely unsettling.
So the next time you schedule a class and see that it’s gonna land you in this shithole, drop it. Transfer schools. Move far, far away, and for God’s sake don’t ever look back.
For those about to rush, we salute you: