As college students, we’re all pretty busy people with tight schedules, so sometimes we need to budget our time as efficiently as possible. We understand the struggles of being a constantly on-the-go student at UD and a full-time Tamagotchi owner, so here are some of the best places to feed your digital pet on campus while you’re already out and about. Don’t worry, we Tamagotchu!
6.) Trabant Food Court:
Why should your Tamagotchi have to eat all alone? Bring her to the food court in Trabant with you so that she can pig out on a pixelated chicken leg while you ingest real, tangible chicken, courtesy of Chick Fil-A®. Forget the judgmental looks you might get from people sitting alone; at least you’re eating with a friend.
5.) The Intersection at S. College and E. Delaware:
Don’t let the stringent expectations of Newarkian pedestrian infrastructure prevent you from fulfilling your duty as a loving Tamagotchi owner. Whip out the plastic battery-powered husk in which your digital companion exists, and give her a snack! Remember to stop in the middle of the 4-way crosswalk while you’re moving so she doesn’t accidentally choke.
4.) The Harrington P.O.D.:
Tamagotchis aren’t eligible for meal plans (yet), so your handheld friend won’t be able to use Points to purchase drunk food in the P.O.D. with you. Bring her to the convenience store in the Harrington Commons so that she doesn’t feel left out when you decide to purchase a family-sized bag of Cheetos at some unreasonable hour of the night. Nobody should feel excluded; not even your pixelated, intangible pets.
3.) While Hijacking a UD Police Department Vehicle:
Sometimes UD PD will leave their ATV-golf cart-pickup truck hybrids just lying around on campus, and there’s a good chance your Tamagotchi will want to experience riding in one of them before her battery dies. Live a little by stealing one of their vehicles and driving around in it for a bit. You can even go to the McDonald’s drive-thru on Main Street and split a small fries with her!
2.) In a Tree on the Green:
It’s incredibly depressing that Tamagotchis, the cutest creatures in the animal kingdom, will never be able to experience the joy of eating granola while doing nature stuff like in the Nature Valley commercials. But you, a loving Tamagotchi owner, have the power to make her dream a reality. Climb up a decent-looking tree somewhere on the Green and feed your pixelated pet some pixelated granola. Every Tamagotchi should get to enjoy the great outdoors on UD’s campus. After all, it’s what nature intended.
1.) Next to Kirkbride Jesus:
Dinner theatre. Life trapped inside a 3-inch egg-shaped purple pod can get pretty mind numbing, so have your Tamagotchi accompany you to an enlightening Kirkbride Jesus sermon. Give her a digital cupcake as a bonus for participation if she bleep-bloops KBJ a question. She’s not going to live forever, so make sure you can broaden her spiritual horizons. AAA batteries are temporary, but the lessons gleaned from controversial roadside religious lectures are forever.
While college can be taxing for most people, it can be even tougher for us Tamagotchi owners, as no one truly understands all of the work that goes into making sure our pixelated pals are happy. It can be a thankless job (especially since it doesn’t even qualify for the work-study program), but seeing that programmed smile on your Tamagotchi’s face makes it all worth it.
If you can survive a tailgate, you can survive a zombie apocalypse.