If you’re like most UD students and don’t have the disposable income of $520 per semester to exercise the right to park your car, you’ve probably found yourself broke and hopeless. The meter maids are a pain, and your vehicle probably won’t fit in with the BMWs, Mercedes, and Lamborghinis that line up and down Amstel Avenue. Don’t fret, though, The Black Sheep has come up with a list of cost-free and less embarrassing alternatives.
6.) Your Ex’s Living Room:
You broke up months ago, but do they still miss you? What a perfect way to find out! While they’re in class, drive your car through the wall of their house. They probably won’t call the cops on you because annihilating their living quarters through blind rage and jealousy is totally hot, and might even lead to makeup sex. Bonus points if you do it in the back seat.
5.) North Green:
You won’t find a better spot on campus that’s central to pretty much everything. While the university may give you a slap on the wrist for ruining the grass that their $6 million endowment goes towards fertilizing, it’s worth it to get to your 9:05 in Gore a few minutes early.
4.) Mentor’s Circle:
Let’s be honest, there’s really no other logical thing that the university could use this space for. Just make sure to dodge all of the unsuspecting students; having vehicular manslaughter on your record will be tough for potential employers to look past. Also, the book statue looks lonely; maybe it just needs another useless mass (like your car!) to keep it company.
3.) The Middle of Main Street:
Sometimes you just need to risk the lives of yourself and others for a convenient parking spot. Meters? Who even has quarters anymore? Plus, the last time you’ve successfully parallel parked was probably the drivers’ test in 10th grade. So just cut your losses and put it in park in the middle of Main Street. The Black Sheep is not responsible to any damage to your car while it’s left there, but we don’t think it’ll come to that.
2.) The Fountain:
When its not filled with water, of course, the fountain makes a prime spot for cost-free deposit of your vehicle. While it’s highly unlikely that you’ll get towed here, good luck getting back out.
1.) The President’s Lawn:
If you’ve ever had a chance to walk over to the president’s house, you’ll see that it has a huge lawn. Do you see Dennis Ass-anus rolling down that hill for fun? Probably not. So put it to better use by parking your car on it.
See, finding parking isn’t that hard if you look in all of the right places. The amount of money you’re saving is probably enough to bail your roommate out of jail this weekend, or buy like, 200 El Diablo burritos. Or maybe pay a full 12 month’s rent for an apartment that offers you free parking.