The public bathroom is always a place where everyone’s slightly on edge; especially busy bathrooms, like the one on the first floor of Perkins. But if you’re a shit-stirrer (not literally) like the rest of us at The Black Sheep, you enjoy making awkward situations even more awkward. In the spirit of Halloween and the excretory system, we’re here to give you some ways to make all those Dunkin’ drinkers on the porcelain throne feel even worse.
6.) Make Growling Noises from Behind the Stall Door:
If you feel as though your territory is being encroached upon, assert your dominance by emitting a low, menacing growl at those who threaten you. Hearing aggressive, guttural murmurings from behind a partition is sure to make anyone quiver in their knickers! Bonus points if they poop their pants right there because they couldn’t hold that Grille Works burger in any longer.
5.) Sing the University of Delaware Fight Song… Backwards:
Most of us at UD don’t even know the whole Fight Song, so singing it in full is sure to raise some eyebrows no matter where you are. However, if you really want to perturb those around you, try singing it backwards. Legend has it that singing the song backwards will summon EedUoy, the evil, satanic counterpart to our mascot.
4.) Bring a Life-Sized Skeleton into the Bathroom and Gingerly Prop It Up Against a Toilet:
Halloween is nigh, and what better way is there to celebrate the holiday than bringing 6-foot tall skeleton into the bathroom with you? Prop up your spooky friend in one of the stalls and wait for someone to accidentally interrupt him while he’s on the can. For an added spook, dress him up like former university president Patrick Harker.
3.) Barricade the Stall Doors with Fake Spider Webs, but Then Put Real Spiders on the Webs:
Catch some innocent Dunkin’ customers in your web of terror by coating the whole bathroom in webs of cotton. Then, as a form of eight-legged icing on the webbed cake, release a swarm of black widows from that container you stole from old man Sharp Lab’s house into the restroom.
2.) Sustain Unflinching Eye Contact with Passerby through the Crack in the Stall Door:
Eye contact can be uncomfortable for many people, sustained eye contact even more so. Intimidate those who dare to look beyond the stall door by staring right back at them with your aggressive, bloodshot eyes. They’ll avert their gaze towards the shit they just made in their pants. Not even the ProUD pups in the lounge will be able to make them feel safe again.
1.) Use the Urinal Directly Next to Someone:
Urinal etiquette is overrated, people. Piss all over social norms by standing directly next to someone using a urinal, especially if there are multiple other vacant urinals away from the poor guy trying to pee in peace. Don’t say a word to him, though. Make no noise for full freaky effect. In fact, don’t even pee next to him; just stand there. Watching. Waiting.
Whether it be from the awkwardness of exercising one’s bodily functions in the vicinity of other people doing the same thing, the smells, sounds and sights, or from palpable sexual tension, Perkins bathroom breaks can be uncomfortable for everyone involved. Nonetheless, everyone loves a good frighten every now and then!
Who really even cares about Homecoming?