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Top 7 Places to Have a Mid-Semester Meltdown on Main Street

 

It may still be early in the semester, but that shouldn’t stop you from establishing where and when you plan on having your mid-semester crisis. For most people, huddled under a desk in the dorms may suffice. However, if you’re planning on making a scene, check out our top 7 spots to lose it on Main Street!

 

7.) Duck Donuts (Formerly Known As The Melt Down):
What better place on Main Street to completely lose your shit then at a donut shop that used to be a grilled cheese shop? Having a meltdown at what used to be The Melt Down, and is now home of bacon-covered donuts, is perfect for those experiencing an identity crisis. Or people who like to wash their midterm grades down with a large helping of greasy dough. 

 

6.) The Post Office:
Having a rough time?  Need somewhere to make a scene? We give you: the Newark Post Office. This is the perfect place to take out your frustrations, and argue with the lady behind the counter about shipping you home in a box to your disappointed parents.

 

5.) Some Random Frat Guy’s Apartment Above Catherine Rooney’s:
Boys, of all people, are the easiest targets for misplaced anger because let’s face it; they’re constantly screwing up anyway. Let yourself into the complex and knock on a couple of doors until you spot a lettered flag hanging somewhere in the entryway, and then proceed to yell for as long as it takes for one of the damn shuttle buses to arrive at your stop.

 

4.) Willard Hall, Room 007:
If you’re planning to go big or go home with your mental breakdown, Willard is the place to be. This large, public lecture hall is a great location to lose what’s left of your sanity. Its high ceilings allow your howls of agony to travel effortlessly through the room, and its spacious interior warrants enough room to roll around on the floor while you screech about dropping out.

 

3.) GrassRoots:
Having things to throw at the walls is essential to any basic temper tantrum, which is why we suggest the GrassRoots clothing store as a location for the next spectacle you decide to make of yourself. Its cheesy “live, laugh, love” wall decorations are just begging to be hurled through a glass window by a psychotic bio major.

 

2.) Physically Inside the Grotto’s Dumpsters:
If you’re looking for a more secluded place to sob quietly about your college career and life in general, the Grotto’s dumpsters are an ideal spot for this kind of suffering. They offer a small, cozy, dark enclosure, and the aroma of stale pizza and garbage will act as a catalyst for your nervous collapse over your rotting dreams.

 

1.) Central Perk:
Amp yourself up with an overpriced cup of coffee and proceed to stand on one of the tables in between the couches and cry as the scary guy behind the counter yells at you to get your feet off the table. Your act of social dissonance coupled with the hysterics of Mr. scary dude will create the perfect atmosphere of anarchy for a Grade-A shitfest.

 

Keep some of these places in mind for your next grand debut of public mental disintegration come mid-October. Acceptance is key, so use this helpful list to plan your next, and definitely not the last, meltdown of the semester!

 

Ever wonder why freshmen are the worst: we’ve got some ideas:

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