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Turns Out Those Sorority Girls on The Memorial Steps Are Just Lost


It’s been found that the weekly photoshoots atop the pristine steps of Memorial Hall for sorority girls clad in white skinny jeans and Greek insignia is not exactly what everyone thinks– turns out that they’re just lost.


“I was walking to class today, ‘cause Chad’s in that class,” said sophomore communications interest major, Barbie, looking as if she would burst into tears any second. “But once I crossed the Green I had no idea where to go next. I’ve been stranded here for the past two hours! Chad must think I stood him up!”


“I was so relieved when Emily showed up, and then Tiffany and Hannah and Alison and everyone else,” said Maryann, the first girl to find the lost sister. Maryann wiped away her tears with a Greek letter embroidered napkin, clearly shaken from this traumatic event. “I don’t understand how this could happen to all of us. I hear they have classes in here, ew!”


“We all happened to be wearing the same exact thing– isn’t that so funny?!” said Tiffany, trying to remain optimistic during these trying times.


The sorority girls have voiced their feelings about how their poor sense of direction has been so deeply misinterpreted by the UD community.



“People are saying we look like a cult?” asked Alison, looking quite offended. “Well, that’s just rude. How many of you perfectly know your way around campus after having been here for only three years?”


“Yes, those photographers were requested by us,” said Hannah, referring to the large photography equipment lined up right in front of Memorial. “But they’re only taking photos of us so that we can put up flyers around campus saying that we’re lost. That’s how that works, right?”


Members of the UD community are reminded that it may seem like those sorority girls are posing for a camera shot, but they’re actually frozen in fear.


It has been discovered that they’re not hugging in joyous camaraderie, but comforting each other from the distress of sorority row withdrawal. And what sounds like laughter is reportedly not laughter at all, but an unanswered cry for help.


It’s time for blue hens to stop ignoring the recurring tragedies at Memorial Hall. Bystanders are encouraged not to let the fear of photo-bombing them stop you from trying to give directions – they’ll forgive you as long as you escort them back to Chad.







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