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UD Senior Welcomes Incoming Freshmen with 1743 Ounces of WHAT?


This past weekend, University of Delaware Senior Sean Lopez decided to welcome incoming freshmen in a special way — by unloading 1743 ounces of his very own toenail clippings onto the crowd of students gathered for the annual candle lighting ceremony.


Lopez confessed that he was “a little worried about the fire hazard [his] stunt would pose,” but decided to go through with it anyway because he believed that the sentimental value of his gesture would outweigh basic safety concerns.


“I just wanted to do something big and unique, you know? Once you become a senior, you start to see the world through rose-colored glasses, and this, in my heart, just felt like the right thing to do,” he commented.


Those present at the candle lighting ceremony first believed the clippings to be flower petals blowing down from the trees, and were surprised to discover that they were actually Lopez’s toenails from years past. Some female freshmen had reportedly already begun fashioning flower crowns out of the stuff before realizing that something was amiss.


“Some of them had little notes tied to them. The one that landed next to me said something about the first floor Smith bathroom. I don’t even know what that means,” confessed freshman Lindsey Harter.


When questioned, Lopez revealed that he had documented when and where each clipping was removed from his person, and explained that he had been planning this event since his own freshman year at Delaware. He elaborated that the idea came from a “really beautiful documentary,” the subject of which is foot fetishes, that he spent watching rather than attending his own candle lighting ceremony in 2014.


“After that, I started clipping them everywhere to make sure that I made plenty of unique memories for myself all around campus. I actually went out of my way to clip them in places like the middle of the Fred Rust Ice Arena, and I even managed to get half way through one foot during half time at a homecoming football game; I was sitting in the middle of the field so naturally, no one noticed, but it was still such an awe-inspiring experience for me.”


When we interviewed the freshmen to learn how they felt about the unplanned event, some were indifferent, and others ecstatic.


“Coulda been worse,” said Michaela Smith.


“This is so classic college!” said Marissa Healy.


University President Dennis Assanis was unable to be reached for comment, however representatives of his office have hinted that there may be mild punishment enforced on Lopez, simply for not allowing him in on the plan. Several sources have spoken out about Ass-Anus’s apparent love of toenail art, and have revealed that he plans to commemorate this weekend’s events with a statue paid for by another increase in undergraduate tuition fees.


Despite the aftermath, only one thing is for certain: UD Class of 2021 has received a Welcome that they won’t ever forget.




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