Winter Session at UD is known for a lot of things: excessive consumption of alcohol, nonexistent bar lines, re-downloading Tinder, and, of course, pipes bursting. Although pipes bursting never seems to be a thing anywhere other than college housing, it is every undergrad’s fear and every landlord’s goldmine.
Until, that is, some of our very own cracked the code.
His name was Juan Yeeston, a junior Chemical Engineer major and avid Suite Life of Zack and Cody fan. He reportedly heard a rumor somewhere that if a pipe bursts in an apartment complex, any residents affected get put up in a hotel— for free. Juan allegedly had no real connection to the complex he called home, so he gathered his fellow neighbors, demanded they leave the thermostat below recommended temperature when heading home, and waited, sources report.
“Honestly, I just didn’t feel like cleaning up from our Ugly Sweater Party. Some bitch threw up in my closet…like what the fuck is that?” Juan said when asked for comment. “I just told everyone, ‘watch this, we’ll get put in some nice ass hotel,’ just like all those other schmucks at the beginning of the semester from some apartment complex that sounds like ‘Wang’ or something, lmao. ” (The Black Sheep would like to clarify that Yeeston actually spelled out the acronym “L-M-A-O” to make his point.)
Juan told reporters that he received a phone call early New Year’s Day from his complex, alerting him that the pipes had burst.
Juan smiled to himself with full knowledge his plan had worked. He shoved his swim trunks in his bag before heading back to school, assuming his new home would have an indoor pool.
Today, Juan and his floor mates are reportedly enjoying the comfort of the Embassy Suites on South Campus, sipping their free drinks (from 5-7 p.m.!) or stealing all the Cinnamon Toast Crunch at the continental breakfast. Their complex has yet to fix the busted pipe, but Juan and friends have yet to care. They are “loving life with their turn-down service and lack of utility bills,” according to Yeeston’s roommate, T. Sionas.
The UD junior’s only complaint: “I can’t fucking smoke weed in here.”
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