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Ugly Delaware Student Excited for Halloween


Local ugly person Jason Krueger is in high spirits, as his favorite day of the year, Halloween, quickly approaches. Krueger is reportedly excited to hide his self-described, “startling” appearance behind the comforting frights of the holiday.


Krueger asks that The Black Sheep does not include a physical description of himself. “Just tell them that it’s bad,” he instructs, “like, whatever they think that I’m working with, it’s worse than that. They already know anyway, like tell them that if they’re thinking of a particular person that they see around campus a lot that makes them call their parents and thank them for their genes, then likely it’s me.”


Halloween is characterized by the ugly, the frightening, and the terribly disfigured, all of which also characterize Krueger. It is therefore unsurprising that he finds comfort among decorations and traditions that celebrate what makes up himself.


“It’s probably similar to how Irish people feel on Saint Patrick’s Day,” explains Krueger, “it’s kind of a day that celebrates me. It’s not often that people think that it’s cool to look disgusting.”


Krueger reportedly does not wear a costume, but instead just goes out in a normal outfit. This strategy is both fiscally rewarding and time efficient. Evidence obtained from Krueger’s Facebook page reveals that he has forgone a Halloween costume for the past six years, choosing instead to go through minor efforts such as wearing a whimsical hat or tie or not combing his hair. This evidence also shows that photos taken on Halloween are the only ones in which Krueger is seen smiling.


“Halloween is the only day where people are staring at me for a good reason. Normally people look at me in a way that screams, ‘I feel bad that I’m average while you are not’ or ‘please don’t ever be any nearer to me than you are right now,’ but on Halloween I get head nods and soft smiles.” Says Krueger. “Sometimes girls are really into it because they think that my face is the result of some complicated makeup hack. They think I can be relatable to them because girls use makeup a lot I would guess. Really though, it’s just my face.”


Krueger’s roommates are reportedly grateful to have a friend like him on this special day. The four seniors have lived together since freshman year, which experts cite as the reason for the lack of fear and repulsion towards Krueger. One roommate, Todd Reeves, tells The Black Sheep, “Jason’s a great friend to have. He’s like the best wingman that you could ever imagine. I’m really happy for him that he gets to have a day to live like a regular person. Not that he’s not regular; he’s just like, not awesome to look at. He’s still my boy though.”


Krueger is only getting more excited as the month of October progresses. “I really just love all of October because at any given point, there is a slight possibility that I could be in costume. Maybe I’m going to an early Halloween party, maybe I’m working at a haunted house. Nobody knows! But they might assume, and that’s why October is really a magical month for me.”


Krueger has no reported plans worth mentioning for the month of November.



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