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5 Reasons DePaul Should Not Be Allowed To Name Things

DePaul is good at a handful of things, basketball not being one of them, and oddly enough, naming things is not their forte either. If you pay close attention, most every building at DePaul has the same naming conventions. Everything’s named after someone from the university’s history that students have both never heard of and don’t care about. We didn’t come to DePaul to learn anything about DePaul, we came because of those sweet, sweet perks like expensive tuition and being in a city where we can act like degenerates (but classy ones). However, it seems when DePaul tries to break from that boring norm and name something creatively, it completely falls flat.

5.) Blue Demons:

This story is pretty common around DePaul, but it’s still mind-boggling that it’s a thing. The old DePaul sports teams were once called the DePaul Men, then shortened to D-Men, then to Demons, and it makes sense. Give DePaul props for making a legitimate cover story, but they have to see the irony of having demons running around the campus of the largest Catholic university in the country. It begs the question, just how Catholic is this school? And is there a pentagram underneath the quad?

4.) The Collaboratory:

If you ever find yourself in the bowels of the DePaul Center, chances are you completely ignored this faculty-only workroom. This unnecessary portmanteau is supposed to signify a place where professors can meet up and work together on projects with the sole intent of antagonizing their students. The Collaboratory gives the same bad feeling that a pun does in terms of sheer disgust. It shouldn’t exist, especially considering that no student will ever enter this room. So there’s really no need for it to have a cheesy, unnecessary name.

3.) Garden:

Garden is also known as the least visited meal spot on campus, unless you’re one of those undercover “adults” masquerading as a college student, being all healthy and shit. The thing about Garden is that it’s hypocritical. Does DePaul really expect us to believe that the food they served is really made from actual plant and animals products? I don’t think so. Fool me once DePaul… I know you have some rooftop gardens, but I’m pretty sure that’s a different source of income for the school.

2.) 1581 Media Studios:

Another space that most students haven’t heard of, this time because of its newness. If you’re lucky enough to actually push past the stress and anxiety that brought you to the library in the first place, and actually look around, you might spot this room on the second floor. This workspace for students is part of the media rooms that contains tools like a 3D printer, a green screen, workspace, and video and sound recording equipment. The 1581 comes from the year Vincent de Paul was born and is probably the only non-memeified version of him on campus. As of yet. We get that DePaul has an unquenchable desire for all things Vinny but now we’re just getting into an obscure territory.

1.) Clifton-Fullerton/Belden-Racine:

These dorm buildings are simply named after the streets they’re on. The only problem is that it seems to show DePaul’s true colors about how it feels about their students. That we aren’t the best and the brightest our parents told us we were. And while that’s 100% true, we don’t want to be reminded of it every time we get back from class. It does have the added benefit of forcing us to learn the names of the streets that run through campus, but we don’t know cardinal directions or really anything about basic orientation. That’s what LTE and Uber are for.

DePaul has had a fine track record with naming buildings after random DePaul bros and should really just stick to that. Or if they’re feeling risky, just hand the responsibility to their students. We could use a distraction.

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