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5 Highly Intellectual Things DePaul Students Did Instead of Watch the Super Bowl

As we all know, sports are dumb and anyone who enjoys watching or participating in them must be a complete idiot. Fortunately for DePaul University, only a very small percentage of our student body wasted their time this weekend watching the Super Bowl or World Cup or whatever was on ESPN. Here’s The Black Sheep’s list of all the super intellectual activities DePaul students do instead of watching sportball.

5.) Indian Food & Pitbull:
There is an actual honest-to-God tradition at DePaul to go to an Indian restaurant while the Super Bowl is on. Specifically this little hole-in-the-wall place near the Addison stop that is constantly playing Pitbull music videos. Literally nothing but Pitbull music videos. The only true art form in the world. This place’s busiest night is actually during the Super Bowl because it’s just filled with DePaul students contemplating the wisdom of Mr. Worldwide and savouring the taste of the finely prepared curry.

Honestly, analyzing Pitbull is so much more of an intellectual activity than watching some guys wrestle over a ball. Usually, the game is still happening when the dinner is over, and many of the students meander over to various Super Bowl parties taking place around campus.

4.) Drugs:
Many of the actually intelligent students of DePaul continue the tradition laid out by Allen Ginsberg, William S. Burroughs, Jack Kerouac, and other intellectual drug-users by lighting up during the Superbowl. Weed, Pot, Hash, Purple, Hindu Kush, The Green Serpent, The Devil’s Lettuce etc: the smart DePaul students get high as balls during the Super Bowl and compose sobering poems about the state of America’s youth rather than watch the stupid football game. This is what being an intellectual is all about.

3.) Try to Go to Kelly’s Then Remember That it’s Full of Stupid People Watching The Super Bowl:
Wander over to Kelly’s to try to find something to do, then realize that the cheering crowds inside are all fools enjoying the game. Most students proving how smart they are by not watching the Super Bowl will inevitably find themselves bored and try to hit up DePaul’s favorite bar only to find it’s been taken over by the ignorant masses. The intellectuals forlornly watch the happy faces inside from the window before setting out again into the cold Chicago streets. It’s hard being so isolated from society by one’s intelligence.

2.) Take To Social Media:
By far the greatest thing intellectual DePaul students will do during the Super Bowl is take to Facebook to write a five-paragraph essay about how smart they are for not watching a sports game. Truly a sign of greatness, having to let people know just how intelligent you are all the fucking time.

1.) Cave:
Usually, by the time the game’s in its last quarter, the intellectuals of DePaul cave in and stepped out into their living rooms to finish up the game with their roommates — frequently reminding everyone within earshot that they’re “only watching it for the commercials.”

Being publicly disdainful towards sporting activities is the only true sign of wisdom, and anyone who says otherwise is lying.

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