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The 5 Types of Insufferable Hipsters You Encounter at DePaul

DePaul hipsters: you either are one or are in the process of being ghosted by one. The hipsters of DePaul are all about individuality and combating the dreaded normies, but, man, are they exhausting. If you’re an uncultured swine like us at The Black Sheep and need help deciphering which DePaul hipsters to avoid, look no further!

5.) The Sadboi:

You always know when he’s coming, because he can’t stop crying! What this brand of hipster lacks in swagger, he more than makes up for in ~depth~. You can usually find him hanging around Smokers Corner, blasting Drake while working through a pack of Camels. His Instagram is riddled with Vaporwave edits of The Simpsons, likely captioned lamenting love lost (i.e. being ghosted on Tinder). While he’s certainly the least harmless, we can’t find much else good to say about him. Next!

4.) The Time Traveler:

Despite being told that “time machines don’t exist, now please exit the electronics section of Target,” these trendsetters seem to be from another decade. When asked what their favorite album of the year so far was, they responded with “The Bends” by Radiohead. While at first, we thought it was a playful joke when asked their thoughts on America’s political state, they responded with, “Clinton is pretty rad.” Are they actually not from this time… or are they just too cool to live in the current year?

3.) The Indie Gang:

Everything that comes out of this hipster’s mouth sounds like a joke. They listen to Appalachian murder ballads on cassette tapes while crafting makeshift glasses out of old PBR cans. A night out with this crowd would involve you going to a basement show of some hot, new underground band, and then you’d realize you’re actually at a middle school dance. While this may seem a little odd for a brand of DePaul hipsters, just remember: “real concerts” are for sheep.

2.) The Pseudo-Intellectual:

These hipsters cannot go five minutes without trying to assert their intellectual dominance over you. Rather than going to parties and chugging some nasty jungle juice, these guys spend their evening at The Bourgeois Pig, sipping on both coffee and Scotch, while discussing the genius of John Philip Sousa. Ever so often, a Jack Kerouac novel falls out of their patchy 5 o’clock shadow. If you ever find yourself wondering if they think you’re stupid, don’t worry: they totally do!

 

1)…What?:

Ok, we tried our hardest and we have no idea what these folks are going for. From their clothes to their music taste, to their general aura, we just can’t, for the life of us figure these assholes out. They seem to speak only in cryptic riddles and we’re not even sure if they are even students at DePaul. If we can’t understand them, it can only mean one thing: The Black Sheep is full of normies!

DePaul hipsters are their own breed, and while we attempted to categorize them, it was far easier said than done. If you ever find yourself in the path of a DePaul hipster, fret not. They’re far too busy with their heads up their asses to notice how mainstream you are! Keep on being ridiculous, you walking enigmas!

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