DePaul University is always publishing fancy data charts about how we’re probably going to get jobs after college and that everything is fine! But what about fancy data charts about life while we are still in school? What’s that like? After some deep sea investigation, The Black Sheep is proud to reveal our findings on life at Depaul, in graphs.
6.) Greek Life at DePaul:
DePaul’s Greek system is small but mighty! What’s even smaller? The members who believe that it’s not just four years, it’s for life. All the power to them. It takes a lot of heart to go through an excruciating sorting ceremony and not even get a magic wand out of it.
5.) Typical Saturday Night at DePaul:
DePaul has it all: neighborhood bars that will let you in with a fake ID if you know your horoscope; WiFi, frat parties with no toilet paper; and that one girl who will not shut up about an interesting choice she made at her improv class last Thursday. Throw in a couple of hipsters who are the only ones who know the address to “That one thing” and you’re set.
4.) Bar Neighborhoods Ranked by Potential Douchebaggery:
The word “Potential” highlights that sometimes people surprise you. Let’s be real though — 95% of the times you bar hop in River North you’ll only meet bored-looking women in painful shoes and guys who love touching butts and EDM. See ya’ there!
3.) Average Ray Attendance Over Time:
This graph is actually really sad. You can practically smell the freshly printed ink on all of those girls’ Bikini Body Guide PDFs. Everyone likes to think that this time will be different, but will it, will it really? Save yourself the hour brainstorming what your fitness Instagram handle will be and just give up now. Self-acceptance is nothing more than looking in the mirror and saying, “You’re fine!”
2.) Stress Levels in the Quarter System:
Everything seems fine until it suddenly isn’t, and then it never feels better ever. Midterms are already happening. Why does time move so fast? Are we all visibly aging like Obama? What happens when we die?
1.) Time Spent at the John T. Richardson Library:
You can tell who the pill poppers are because all their homework is in starting position while they obsessively wish a happy birthday to acquaintances on Facebook. Study drugs rule!
The Black Sheep would like to extend a special thank you to LSP 120, a mandatory course without which the memory synapses for Excel graphing would have disappeared.
Hey listen to our podcast, you dummy!