Being in college is hard. Balancing your dismal social life, essays that you procrastinate on, and hangovers from nights spent drinking alone can be quite a lot to handle. On top of that, you’re probably super broke (unless you own a Canada Goose jacket, in which case you can probably exit out of this article now), which means you have to get a job. Thankfully, DePaul offers an array of exciting and fruitful employment opportunities! In the case you decide to pursue one of these jobs, here’s our ranking of the saddest on-campus student jobs:
7.) Random-Ass Office Assistant:
The only reason this job is on this list is because it still requires you to show up to work, but if there were any on-campus job to have, it’d be this one. This is, like, the top of the student employee food chain. You get somewhere to sit, generally do brainless work, and most of the time you could probably show up hungover and it wouldn’t even matter.
6.) Dorm Desk Receptionist:
As freshmen, the desk receptionists were most likely enemy number one. Honestly, some people should have won Oscars for their sober-face while trying to swipe into the building. However, for the person on the other side of the desk, every night is probably some sort of fresh hell. No wonder they all looked lifeless behind the eyes.
5.) Writing Center:
Most people can’t even use the correct forms of they’re/their/there on Facebook, so how the fuck can they even write an essay? The poor suckers in the Writing Center must depend on something stronger than caffeine just to make it through a single shift.
4.) Literally Anything in the Library:
Imagine being surrounded by the most annoying group of your peers all the time. Not to mention, someone has to manage the “chat with a librarian” bot, and god forbid you have to be on the other side of some lonely fuckboi’s unrequited lust.
No matter how many times your RA friend tells you the free room-and-board is “worth it,” you know they are lying through their teeth when they have the duty phone and everyone else is going out for the night. On top of another year in a shitty dorm, they also have to monitor the disgusting degenerate-type shit the freshmen get up to since they’re away from home for the first time.
2.) Student Center Table Nazi:
Their job is literally so boring that any time you even dare move a chair within the Student Center, they act like you’ve just defaced the mural of St. Vinny.
1.) Ray Meyer Check-In Drone:
It’s a struggle for most people to get to the gym at all, and once you’re there you realize it’s sweaty and everyone lacks self-awareness. The sad ladies and gentlemen at the check-in counter not only have to deal with shitty college students, they have to deal with uppity Lincoln Park adults (and sometimes their kids). Plus, they have to wear polo shirts and pick up sweaty towels.
While being a student working on campus may seem sad, at least you don’t work for Chartwells.