Just when you thought the cliques ended in high school, college brings the wonderful nostalgic feeling of segregation right back! But these aren’t your average stereotypical cliques like “jocks” or “nerds.” Oh no, DePaul students really step up their game as they establish themselves in college. Here are 6 cliques that you’ll meet in the Mean Girls-esque cafeteria that is life at DePaul.
6.) The Know-It-All Hipsters:
There might bea more creative name for these people, but it’s the simplest way to describe them solely because THEY THINK THEY KNOW EVERYTHING. There are a few key characteristics you can look for when labeling these people. They are as follows: Poli-Sci major, vegan, wears glasses without a prescription, owns at least one hipster shoe (Birkenstocks). These people will make you feel like you’re an ignorant commoner, incapable of ever reaching the intellectual standards they hold. They can be affiliated with both major political parties, but tend to have created their own political affiliation that you, of course, have never heard of, because you’re a fucking idiot.
5.) The Delta Gamma Dildos:
These are your stereotypical popular girls from high school, except now they have a proper name for making you feel like shit about yourself. They will tell you they joined Greek life to “network,” and you bet, they are definitely networking their ASSets. They are sincerely sorry that they can’t invite you to their social events because it’s highly exclusive and “strictly sisters.” It’s surely not because you aren’t hot enough.
4.) The Commuters:
AKA the only non-pretentious people of DePaul. These are the people you really like in your classes but can’t hang out with because they still live at home. Usually, they tend to be down to earth, hard working, middle class Joes who are disgustingly responsible for saving money by not choosing to live in the big city while they complete their studies. That’s definitely why they commute, not because they have severe mommy attachment issues.
3.) The People Who Came From a “Conservative” Town:
These are the politically charged individuals who never shut the fuck up about the oppressive small conservative town they came from in rural Indiana. They now have blossomed into a liberal, free-spirited intellectuals taking on the cultural diversity of Chicago. And they are definitely NOT racist; they left that behind in Indiana.
2.) People From the “Brooks” of Illinois:
If you thought the “Brooks” sounded badass, think again. This clique is from towns in Illinois that end in Brook, such as Oak Brook or Northbrook. This means that Mommy and Daddy pay for everything and shell out 40k per year for a hell of a party (prestigious education). This group tends to be, but is not limited to, frats, sororities, douchebags, Sperry’s wearers, Trump supporters, and/or Cocaine users.
1.) The Super Cool Kids:
The “cool” kids have definitely changed since mom and dad were in school. Jocks and prom queens have turned into polygamist stoners with cool haircuts and trendy outfits. The females of this group never wear a bra and have some type of mysterious piercing. Catch the guys outside smoking American Spirits and resembling a shoddy version of James Dean. These are the kids you hate, but secretly want to be. You’ll never reach their level of individuality and confidence, but you sure will try.
If you don’t fall into any of these groups, don’t feel bad: you just have no friends and can try again next year!
Done reading? Listen to this week’s podcast with music producer Chris Gelbuda!