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DePaul Freshmen Still Young And Dumb Enough To Think McGee’s Is Something Other Than A Goddamn Nightmare

If there’s one thing DePaul freshmen love more than bullying each other into attending frat parties, it’s touting their self-proclaimed five-star knowledge of Lincoln Park’s most infamous two-star bar, McGee’s Tavern.

“McGee’s is definitely the place to be for any DePaul kids,” said freshman Katie Jefferson, pulling out the fake ID she obtained through a black market of hyper-privileged Naperville high schoolers. “Upperclassmen spend their entire weekends there.”

 According to Black Sheep research, no DePaul upperclassmen visited McGee’s that weekend.

“I mean, sure – I’m too scared to actually go to McGee’s, let alone go to any college party unless I’ve had like 4 Juul hits and cried for half an hour,” stated another freshman, Katherine Peters. “But I’ve heard from, like, two people that it’s the only good drinking spot. Actually, I’m pretty sure it’s the only bar anywhere near DePaul.” Katherine later followed up with The Black Sheep to report that, upon using Yelp for the first time since arriving in Chicago, she had discovered 10+ bars within a 2-mile radius of campus. “God, did you see McGee’s has bad Yelp reviews?” she whispered, wiping away a tear. “I don’t know how this could’ve happened…it’s the best. The best!”

Other DePaul freshmen have experienced the horror of McGee’s first hand. The Lincoln Park moms who sit on their porches and subtly monitor DePaul students at all hours of the day have reported crop-topped packs of girls wandering out of the bar with expressions displaying equal parts pride and absolute misery.

One Lincoln Park mom (asking to be kept anonymous for her toddler’s sake) even heard one freshman girl say, “McGee’s is the best” before vomiting onto the sidewalk and realizing she had been scammed into paying $15 for one light beer.

McGee’s Tavern still occupies the absolute lowest spot on the totem pole of half-assed Irish style bars in Chicago, but it looks like the legendary status it holds in the minds of DePaul freshmen is here to stay.  It’s only a matter of time before freshmen grow wiser and kick McGee’s to the curb for the real DePaul nightlife scene (house shows hosted by pseudo-hipster bands and three-person wine parties).

Listen to Talk of Shame, a podcast about being young & dumb, hosted by 2 drunk girls from The Black Sheep, Mackenzie & Andrea. One can’t find her tampon, the other one’s laundry is probably on fire. Subscribe to Talk of Shame:

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