College is a big change for students. New friends, new responsibilities, caffeine addictions and a desperate need to take NyQuil during the day. A clusterfuck would be a good way to describe it. But we here at The Black Sheep were curious about how the parents of DePaul students were dealing with this monumental change. We discovered that they have found a home online in the form of the Parents of DePaul Facebook page. Here is what we found:
The first thing you’re greeted with is the banner photo depicting some classic stock images of #DPUfamily members. Sources have revealed that this image has been headlining this Facebook page since its existence and those in the photograph could not be reached for comment. Regardless, it’s a good indicator of what to expect on this page.
Most DePaul parents are, obviously, not on campus to actually get a sense of what’s happening. Which makes this page such a great haven for mediocre fears to arise. An easy target these past few weeks has been the Tide Pod Challenge sweeping both the nation and multiple emergency rooms. This classic meme turned “toxic death wish that doesn’t get you high”, has frightened the living daylights out of parents. While students see it for what it is, a joke that some people have stupidly contributed to, parents explicitly show that they have no faith in the next generation.
Every student, at some point, hated their roommate. You could deal with it by speaking to an RA, completely ignoring them, becoming passive-aggressive or by getting someone else to deal with it for you. While this post showcases the classic innocence of the college freshmen, it also paints an accurate portrayal of the college student, complete with “drinking too much” and doing “bad drugs.”
NOT a helicopter mom!!!!!!!:
College is, firstly, all about getting away from your parents, with learning coming in at a close sixth on the scale of importance. The whole “abandoning your family” thing causes a lot of parents to not be in contact with their kids. This post is emblematic of helicopter parenting as evident from the fact that the author denies they’re a helicopter parent. What better way to check up on your kid than by getting the CPD involved.
Now we get to the posts for which science provides no explanation. In spite of the research done, these posts remain a mystery as to their context and meaning.
There are so many problems with this post. First, no student on campus has a Costco card. The only thing we’re buying in bulk is liver damage. Second, the nearest Costco is a mile and a half away, already way too far for a student who doesn’t have a car. Maybe you could walk that if you were bar hopping in River North. Maybe. Third, do not trust any student who has purchased a rotisserie chicken. That would be too fancy.
This last post has left our team of researchers up for days. So little info and so many questions? Why did they turn to Facebook for medical advice? Why are you asking the parents of college students for info on the female reproductive system? Why did someone provide Airbnb as a solution? This post has STD written all over it, but without any confirmation, anything is possible.
Facebook continually brings both people and irrational fears together in harmony. Delving through this page has been both enlightening and utterly terrifying and no amount of eye bleach can save us. It’s nice to know that our parents think so highly of us. Want to see parents’ questions of yesteryear? Look here and here!
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