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DePaul Students Convinced Owning a Denim Jacket is Equivalent to a Personality

Despite the weather being set to remain cold and miserable for God knows how long, it is still technically not winter, and that’s good enough for the people of Chicago. In celebration of the almost-habitable weather conditions in the big city, a trend has resurged amongst the fashionistas of DePaul: denim jackets adorned with wacky pins! These pins are not just any old accessories, though, they often serve as a personality for the mindless normies of DePaul.

Forget trying to talk to the cute girl in your chem lab, her “But first, coffee” pin is a tell-tale sign that she’s insufferable! Jacket pins being used to make up for a lack of character is taking DePaul by storm, one lapel at a time. “I used to try really hard to have a personality, but it’s just too much work to try and keep up,” said sophomore Erica Berger. “Now I let my pizza pins and Twin Peaks patches do the talking for me.”

In addition to personality traits being substituted for having anything interesting to say, denim jackets can also communicate one’s political views. “I wear this ‘Tiny Hands’ pin to stick it to the fascist Trump regime,” said junior Dan Hart. “Everyone knows that the best method of social change is putting on a bunch of catchy t-shirts and pins.” When asked his opinion on the recent Michael Cohen scandal, Hart replied that he hadn’t heard of it, on account of not being a fan of Five Seconds of Summer.

Similarly to pins serving as a silent form of personality, laptop stickers have also taken precedence over developing an actual set of definable characteristics. “I want people to know what’s important to me when they look at my MacBook Air,” said freshman Cassie Nelson. “Now, without even opening my mouth, people know that I love Riverdale, Iggy Azalea, and The Greatest Showman, all of which are major red flags.”

The continuing trend of knick-knacks, jacket accessories, and stickers serving as a pseudo-personality seems to be picking up steam at DePaul, with hipsters and basics alike adopting the fad. While the statement certainly says something about the youths of today, it begs the question: will merchandise take over people’s beings completely, rendering them mindless cogs in a capitalist machine? It’s hard to tell, but probably yes. Keep on consuming, DePaul!

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