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DPU Republicans Triggered by DePaul’s Oppressive Liberal Values

Many students at DePaul University came to this school hoping for a safe haven. A place for them to espouse their beliefs. A place where they could behave the way they felt most comfortable without the fear of social reprisals they might’ve felt in their home towns. After all, DePaul is a private university whose population is overwhelmingly white and wealthy. However, many Republicans at DePaul are starting to worry that they chose the wrong school.

This worry first appeared for local Republican Chad McMoneyburg at the start of this quarter, when he was brutally attacked by many of his classmates for agreeing with Speaker of the House Paul Ryan that poor people deserve to die for being poor.

“All I said was, ‘Maybe if they’re so poor they can’t afford healthcare, it would be better if they died because they clearly haven’t been contributing to the economy,’ and people just jumped on me, calmly making dozens of eloquent, rational points as to why my opinion was both foolish and disturbing,” said McMoneyburg. “To make matters worse, the professor was no help quietly stepping in only to moderate the discussion and to make occasional fact-checks, usually on me. It was so frightening, I might have to drop the class.”

Upon a The Black Sheep investigation, the majority of DePaul Republicans feel that this school isn’t very tolerant of their beliefs. According to a girl named Cathy White, “I’m not politically correct, you know? But everyone at this school, even the professors, calls me out when I say the n-word or say something cruel about gay people. It’s insane; I thought a school that cost as much money as this would let me say whatever I want.”

“There is simply no room for my conservative beliefs at this school,” said one DePaul Republican, Connor Arien. “You would think that a school founded by a sect of Catholic leftists, used as a base for protesters and advocates during the Democratic Convention Riots of the 1960s, has repeatedly displayed a dedication to the charity work, and obviously models itself after the fucking Bible would be more tolerant towards conservative students. Guess not.”

It seems clear that DePaul University is not doing enough for our local Republicans. The university isn’t forcing its faculty to allow Republican students to blatantly spread misinformation, or prosecuting left-leaning student groups like Black Lives Matter or the DePaul Democrats as strongly as the Republicans would like. It isn’t paying extra attention to the whines of Republicans, or enacting policies that damage the poor in the name of “the free market.” The university is obviously biased against the wealthy, white, and misinformed/evil, and should make changes to better cater to Republicans, because the world does NOT do it enough already.


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