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What Graduating DePaul Seniors Say vs. What They Actually Mean

As the school year nears completion, those who will be graduating and moving on from this wonderful institution are becoming more and more worked up about the inevitable end. While sitting in classes is literally agony every single minute, there are still some anxieties some soon-to-be graduates are harboring. We gotta start decoding the things people say to our faces and starting figuring out what they really mean. Here’s a beginners study guide.

What they say:

“What? Oh sorry, I’m high.”

What they mean:

“I’m having a quarter-life crisis and can’t stop thinking about the mystery that is my future. I have no idea what my life is like if I’m not in school, this is all I’ve ever known. What am I supposed to do with myself if not change my schedule every quarter for a nice inconsistent sleep schedule? I might as well blame my mental absence on drugs instead of straight up telling you that I’m not listening because that would sound rude. What does it mean to exist? I’m currently confirming plans with myself to get high for real later to force myself to think about something else.”

What they say:

“I’m not sure I’m gonna walk at graduation.”

What they mean:

“I fucking hate school and I would rather spend a day explaining the #MeToo movement to my dad than spend any more time here. I have always hated school, but I never got to rebel, and if DePaul has taught me anything it’s how to protest, so this is my silent boycott. Even though they already got my money, this is just about not letting school take up any more of my life.”

What they say:

“I’m going backpacking through Europe.”

What they mean:

“I can’t find a job and I refuse to spend time with my parents. At least this way I can feel like I’m becoming more cultured and learning more about myself from traveling alone. Who knows? If I travel to a non-English speaking country then I’ll learn a foreign language, not for the purpose of fulfilling a credit! AND my Insta posts will be fire.”

What they say:

“Yeah, I got this degree so that I’d have a variety of options for jobs.”

What they mean:

“No I don’t know what I’m going to use my degree for! I haven’t known for the past four years, why would it be different now? I’ll figure it out when I get there Aunt Jenny!”

What they say:

“Ugh, I don’t know which job offer I should accept. Help meeeee.”

What they mean:

“Look at me I have a plan in place! Someone really thinks I would do a good job. I’m not thinking about how this comes across to my friend who is feeling lost and sad, but yay me! I’ve gotta be the favorite child now.”

This should be a good starting place to say what you want to say without sounding so scared or conceited. Yet, this will also allow you to know when your graduating classmates are trying to be polite but actually want to shove their accomplishments into your eyeballs.

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