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Hey, Guys… Just Elect Someone, No One Cares

It seems all the sanctity of politics has truly, officially, been lost. Yesterday afternoon, a real shit storm rained down on DePaul’s beloved Student Government Association as it was revealed that the SGA presidential election was rife with all controversy and scandal we’ve come to expect out of our national politics. 

At the center of it all? One lying candidate and one unqualified candidate, both of whom got themselves kicked out of the electoral race. After a day that unfolded like some TBS knockoff of Scandal that no one watches or cares about, SGA took the L and decided to run a special election for the presidential and vice presidential ticket in May. Oh boy, aren’t we all on the edge of our seats. 

It comes as no surprise that a certain level of apathy has pervaded into the second most prestigious campus organization (the first is us thankyou) and led to such political unraveling. At this point though, don’t push it, just elect somebody. Just put someone in charge. No one cares. 

If it isn’t already abundantly clear, the DePaul student body is comprised of the most apathetic of the bunch. While our sad basketball team was the pinnacle of embarrassment leading us straight to dead last, the DePaul students diddling around Lincoln Park were caught asking, “What basketball team?” If people can’t be bothered to care about sporting news, how can you expect them to care about politics? 

While it may not be in our best interest to elect those disgraced crooked candidates, there are plenty of people on DePaul’s campus that could make suitable puppets for the DePaul administration as SGA’s president. It’s a wonder DePaul Facebook groups are wrought with political debates but when it comes to actual government no one cares but hey, yano, who are we to judge when the whole thing is burdened by bureaucracy.

The SGA powers-that-be nixed funny guy joke candidates because they weren’t in SGA for a year or something…ok fine, even we couldn’t bother to read the tweet threads (that got all of three likes and a RT) without getting bored and turning our attention to Kanye or whatever other horrific distractions from reality happened yesterday on the internet. DePaulia journalists are the real heros here. 

Listen, we know there are four people who want to be SGA president to put it on their resume so they can get an internship at PWC when they graduate. Great. Let them all be president. Seriously, let’s have four presidents, and see if anyone notices or cares, or if literally anything changes next year.

The last time we remember something happening was when DePaul College Republicans got all boned up about taking money away from immigrants, which is real and matters, but like, ugh… can’t you guys just put someone in charge without us having to do anything? Sure a few people might hoop and holler about fascism or something, but then they’ll wander outside and see the sun’s finally out, and stop caring. 

People care so little about SGA it would be a miracle if you’ve even read this far. Too bad the candidates weren’t actually lizard people, they probably could’ve gotten away with it.  

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