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Ignored DePaul Teacher Evaluations Become Increasingly Passive Aggressive

DePaul’s end-of-quarter teacher evaluation e-mails are so tired of being ignored by the student body that they began sending themselves in record-setting quantities using passive aggressive subject lines.

“I’ve gotten three this morning that said, ‘Fine, just delete me. I don’t even care,’” said sophomore Sasha Livingston. “I don’t think I did anything wrong, but I feel really guilty. What is happening here?”

Several students, upset and confused, have been calling their parents for relationship advice, but with America’s current divorce rate at 50%, half of advice given has been ineffectual and pointless.

The surveys need to be taken by a large percentage of each class in order to be considered worthy of acknowledgement by the department heads. Desperate but not wanting to show it, the e-mails are using sneaky psychological tactics to get the attention they feel they deserve.

“I got five e-mails asking where I was at like 3 a.m., then nothing for a week, and then I got one just now that says, ‘I’m not mad. Why do you think I would be mad at you?’” freshman Terry Schwapp said, looking down at his phone in dismay. “I wish they would be more upfront and communicate directly with me.”

While the simple solution would be to take the survey and get it over with, students are choosing not to for a variety of reasons. Some delete all of their e-mails from DePaul without ever reading them. Others do not feel like taking four surveys regarding classes they felt ambivalent about. No matter the reason, the student body is feeling stuck and uncomfortable with the present situation.

The true feelings of the e-mails have been particularly murky in the relational communications department, notes Communications Professor Alice Flan.

“As an educator, I hoped my e-mails would have tried harder to be honest with their intentions and needs. Progress has been stunted,” Professor Flan said. “How can I teach when my evaluations keep saying ‘It’s fine’ when it is clearly not fine? I’m not fine! No one is fine.”  

DePaul Counseling, in a Sex and the City inspired plan of action, is opening a brunch office so students can lament their relationship woes over mimosas and a late breakfast.

“It’s really the least we can fucking do,” said an office receptionist who asked to remain nameless. “The whole world is going to shit. These e-mails make us feel worse about ourselves. At the very least, you should be able to eat a fucking waffle and talk it out.”

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